I am currently reading “Annie Freeman’s Fabulous Traveling Funeral” by Kris Radish. I’m about three quarters of the way through it. I almost didn’t make it past the first chapter – some crazy banter about a woman morning the loss of her favorite bra – but I’m oh so glad I did. Every couple of pages there is an amazing line, or paragraph, or thought, or reflection. It will make for some interesting blogging, I think.
So for today, I’d like to share this from page 14:
Katherine thinks then for just a moment about her mother and she has the same pangs of regret, of missing, of loss, of suffocating sorrow. She allows herself to slip an inch down the wall, humbled even now, all the months, eight of them, following her mother’s death. The grieving, she knows, never ends, and all that will remain is the miracle of love. And she holds on to that miracle as if to save her life for the time it takes her to steady herself, to smell, without the reality of it, her mother’s scent – a fine mix of Dial soap, some ancient Avon product, garlic and Tide – her mother always used Tide.
“What you remember,” Katherine reminds herself, “is not what they think you will remember. It is often not.”
What memories are we making with the people we know right now, today? We usually think about making memories with the big things – the trips to Disneyland or the monumental Thanksgiving feast each year. But when you think about someone close to you, who you’ve lost, what is it you remember about them?
When I think about my mom, who has been dead for over 14 years, it is all the little things that I think about. Bits and pieces of the woman she was.
When we lived in Germany and we would go to church every Sunday, I remember her smelling of White Shoulders when we would get in the car. She would be dressed in some amazing suit and high heels and smell absolutely heavenly. I remember nothing of church itself, can’t even picture it, but I remember what my mom smelled like.
She was my Brownie Girl Scout leader and when I was in third grade we had a sleepover at the scout camp on base. We got to make French toast in the morning. And I remember her teaching us the songs, Annie May and Sweetly Sings the Donkey – getting down on her hands and kicking her feet up behind her like a donkey. She always did all the motions to all the songs – and we sang a lot of them.
When we moved back to the states and went back to the small town she had grown up in, we went into a store and a few minutes later we hear from the back room, “I’d know that laugh anywhere – that has to be Lois!” She was known for her huge smile and hearty laugh. My friends were always saying that I had the nicest mom, and she was. I attribute my evolution in parenting to her excellent example – I didn’t have much to overcome.
I remember eating green grapes together at the lake house while watching the impeachment of Richard Nixon. And I remember Santa bringing me things that my parents couldn’t afford and wouldn’t buy for me. I fully believed until I was 13 and my sisters finally couldn’t stand it anymore and told me. I still believe.
When my sisters went off to college I remember one time when they came home and we were playing charades. My mom got SO embarrassed because while she was pantomiming, my sister yelled “Boobs”. My mom was red for what seemed like hours!
I remember waking to the sound of her sewing machine, the always full of homemade cookies cookie jar, her playing the organ, and singing or humming hymns all the rest of the day on Sunday. Oh, and the amazing craft closet, full of wonderful supplies.
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Bekka & Gramma feed the ducksWhen I was much older and had Bekka, my mom moved to Spokane and worked as a live in care giver for a woman with MS so she could be closer to Bekka. She LOVED being a Gramma. She would watch Bekka as often as possible, and we would go visit her several times a week. She made Bekka the cutest clothes. She had had her own business custom sewing since she had retired from the bank, and she especially loved making clothes for toddler girls. They were always comfortable (never anything scratchy), and completely easy care. Cute dresses with matching diaper covers and hats were her specialty. Bekka’s first word was “hat” because she always had one, and it always matched what she was wearing.
We moved to Houston three months before she died of ovarian cancer. My sister called to let me know that mom wasn’t doing well and that we should come early for our visit we were planning. She died while Bekka and I were in baggage claim at the Spokane Airport, and I fully believe that she didn’t want us to see her at the end - that she wanted especially Bekka to remember her alive, not dying. When we got to the hospital the nurse was completely distraught. We ended up comforting HER, because she had lost a favored patient. She kept saying, “I can’t believe she’s gone, she was joking with the attendant on the way down to radiation.” Well, I could have told her ahead of time that my mom would go out joking. It was just not in her to be all solemn and depressed. To her way of thinking there was just no point in it. I don’t really remember her memorial service, but I do remember part of her burial, the part where all the little ones were running around laughing and playing. They were the first to throw dirt in the hole and were so happy to do so. It was exactly what she would have wanted and there is no way we could have planned it, it just happened. Joyful children celebrating life.
Other than maybe Santa and the sewing, I don’t think my mom anticipated me remembering any of these things, but they are the things I remember about her most readily. This makes me wonder, “What do I do that my kids will remember most?”
I invite you to list some of the things you remember about your mom in the comments section.
Oh, and I hope you read this post as a joyful post! We do not morn death, rather we celebrate life on this Journey of Joy.
Today is my fabulous friend, Dominique's birthday. I feel so fortunate to be able to help her celebrate. She is one of the most beautiful people I know, shining brightly and peacefully from the inside.
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This post is about menstrual cups and cloth pads. Up until August, I had never heard of menstrual cups before. My oldest sent me a link for the Diva Cup and I was fascinated. Since buying my cup - they sell Diva at our local co-op, so I purchase one on our member appreciation day - I've found so much information. One place to start if you are interested is here. I won't go into a lot of detail, since there is so much better info out there. There is a forum where women from all over the world share all kinds of (very personal) information about using cups and I've learned a lot from them.
My nephews Zane (15) and Logan (14 in a few days) have been here since Thanksgiving - we brought them home with us. It's been wonderful to have them here, and as a bonus, Bekka's friend Sophie has been over almost every day. They will all puddle together just hanging out. I've mostly tried to just stay out of their way - I finished watching the entire West Wing since they've been here, and I was on season 3 when they arrived! 
The house - well really two buildings. The one on the left is the active house with the kitchen and living area, and the one on the right is the quiet house for sleeping. The two are connected by a lovely tile patio with laundry and outdoor kitchen (covered up for the weather). 
Through the garden is their first "house" on the property - a handmade house attached to a yurt that they rent out to some friends.
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Steffi & Andria in the active house - Steffi is on the stairs with the pantry wall and dining area in the background. This shot gives a really good idea of the interior of the house.
Personally I love this (although I do miss serving as a poll worker and experiencing the party atmosphere of a polling station). It takes me a lot of time to vote, so I love going through my ballot one item at a time and doing the research I need to do to make a decision as I go.
A month or so ago I had contacted Amy to ask permission for Steffi to sing her song, Always, at the talent show. By the time we got to L&L, Steffi was seriously doubting herself and was thinking she wouldn't sing after all. I mentioned that to Amy and they had a great conversation about doing things that are scary and how amazing it feels to do it anyway. After Amy's pep-talk and Scott Noelle's "Unschooling Your Voice" funshop, Steffi got up the courage to do it - but only if she got to do it really early in the show. Luckily, I had the inside track to the MC (Steve locked him out of our house in May, so I have a lot of pull with Broc! HA) and got her set up to be sixth. She got up there and belted it out - a capella! She was so confident, you would never know it was her first time on stage.
