Great Transgender Site

If you read here often you'll know that I'm not the most active blogger in the blogosphere, so it always surprises me when I get a new follower. When I logged in the other day I happened to notice that my followers number had increased (really - from 1 to 2 - it was noticeable!) and tonight I got curious (as unschoolers often do).

My new follower, Michael has the most incredible website with just about anything you'd like to know about transitioning. He includes tons of links for everything related. I especially love the links for people who have problems with trans people. You just have to go check it out - and if you know any kids who feel they were born into the wrong body, please, please, please send them to his site. Edited to add: Michael mentioned that people should visit T-Vox, it's the resource on the web for all things trans (well, he said it's the trans equivalent to wiki).

Since my blog really is my personal soapbox, I'll step up right now! I have no idea why this issue strikes me so, but it does. This, along with unschooling, peaceful parenting, breastfeeding, and natural childbirth are my "hot-button" issues, and yes, I think they are all tied together with a great big parenting bow. It all comes down to excellent parenting. I believe that no one can be an excellent parent if they do not respect who their child is as they are. And I believe that so many parents do their kids so much harm in the name of "their best interest". How can it possibly be in the child's best interest for their parents to think they should be someone they aren't? How can it be in the child's best interest to have their parents believe they are (insert adjective here - the most common ones for GLBT kids are sinners, an abomination, sick, going through a phase, brainwashed, etc.)? When their kid feels like the whole world is against them, shouldn't it be their parents who are in their corner, assuring them that they are perfect the way they are right now?

One day, about twelve years ago I heard a radio show - a call-in show. They were talking to people who were gay, but for whatever reason were living a straight lifestyle. Most of the stories were the same. There was so much pressure from parents, church, school as they were growing up to be straight (gay bashing is certainly still alive and well in our schools, and these were people who would have been in school at least twenty years ago), that they just never felt they could come out. These are people who are married with kids of their own. Every day of their adult life is a lie that they just don't feel they can straighten out. They said things like, "it would kill my wife to know the truth", "I would never do that to my kids", "my father would have a heart attack"... They feel completely trapped in their life because our straight culture is just so strong. It was one of the most moving things I've ever heard and I never, ever want one of my kids to think any of those thoughts. I don't ever want to push them to date guys. They know they have our complete support for a happy love life no matter what that looks like.

Steve used to have a male to female transgendered woman working for him (she no longer works for him because he is retired). When she transitioned, some of the women coworkers made a fuss about her using the woman's restroom. Ah - come on! What in the world did they think she would be doing in the restroom that they weren't doing??? It has to be hard enough to transition without stupid stuff like that! I was a little mortified when Steffi, all of about five years old looked at our friend, Jennifer and said, "you have daddy hands"! But an innocent observation from a five year old is just so different than a totally biased, knowledgeable complaint about bathrooms from an adult. I imagine it doesn't really sting any less, and if I could have prevented it, I would have, but that is why we need to be sensitive, because not everyone is able to be (like small children).

From what I have heard and read, it is easier, physically to transition from female to male, mostly because the testosterone hormones give people such physical changes - it deepens the voice, makes hair grow in places nobody wants hair, builds muscle, to name just a few. People transitioning from male to female usually are unable to afford the extensive surgeries and therapies that would be required to really pass as female - the voice, hands, hair, etc. don't change just because you are on hormone therapy. And if she started adult life as a somewhat large man, it makes it all the more difficult.

We as a society need to broaden our definitions of normal so that we can all accept everyone for who they are. Currently, most people think of sexual orientation as either gay, straight or bi. But sexual orientation (who you are sexually attracted to) is a full spectrum, from completely gay to completely straight with everything (and almost every one) somewhere in between. Gender Identity (what gender you perceive yourself to be) is also a full spectrum that can be completely unrelated to the genitalia you are born with, and is completely unrelated to sexual orientation. We need to open our minds so that we can accept everyone on both spectra, no matter where they fall on those spectra. This is vital to our children growing up sexually healthy and whole.

And by the way, if you don't think our culture pushes being straight, you haven't listened to music, watched a movie or read a book.

I now return you to my regularly tranquil blog...