The "Harms" of Homeschooling?

The article, “The Harms of Homeschooling” by Robin L. West is full of discrepancies. The author can’t seem to make up her mind about which generalization she prefers in any one of her many characterizations of homeschoolers. Are we uneducated automatons for the religious right, or over-educated (is there really such a thing?!) suburban housewives? Are our children completely isolated in our homes or an unvaccinated health risk to the community? Are we passionately involved and loving parents, relentlessly authoritarian, abusive, or negligently letting our children skateboard or game their life away? The only thing she seems to be sure of is that we are all mothers, however inaccurate that may be.

Ms. West’s second to last sentence, “Deregulation, however, serves no one’s interests and harms many” seems completely unfounded, given the rest her article. She has no clear evidence of any of the claims she makes, many of them gross exaggerations and characterizations.

It could be that she has taken too much stock in all the HSLDA propaganda, especially their claims at the numbers of homeschoolers they serve.

Her “Harms of Unregulated Homeschooling” are as follows, with my opinion after each:

“First, children who are homeschooled with no state regulation are at greater risk for unreported and unnoticed physical abuse, when they are completely isolated in homes. As the trial judge in In re Rachel noted, “95% of referrals for child abuse come from public school teachers or officials.”

Homeschooling is done, for the most part, by parents who enjoy being with their children. If you don’t enjoy being with your children, the easiest thing to do to get them out of your hair for 7 plus hours each day is to send them off to school. I don’t doubt that 95% of referrals for child abuse come from public school teachers or officials. But it doesn’t logically follow that the other 5% are homeschooled children, as I think the author seems to be trying to infer. Or that there is a large number of families homeschooling to cover up abuse – it’s just not logical.

“Second, there’s a public health risk… deregulated homeschooling means that homeschooled children are basically exempted from immunization requirements.”

This disregards the fact that parents of schooled children can opt out of required immunizations for medical or religious reasons. This also assumes that just because homeschooled children aren’t required to be immunized, their parents don’t think there are good reasons to do so. It’s probable that a larger percentage of homeschooled children are unvaccinated, but it is not accurate to state that all schooled children are vaccinated and all homeschooled children are not. From anecdotal evidence within my circle of acquaintances, more homeschooled children are also home-birthed, breastfed for an extended time, and in general have parents who make informed, albeit alternative, choices. I’m sure there is also a larger percentage of homeschooled children who never, or rarely get sick, due to increased nutrition, adequate sleep, and a stress-free lifestyle.

“Third, public and private schools provide for many children, I suspect, although I have yet to see studies of this, a safe haven in which they are both regarded and respected independently and individually.”

I’m sure this is an accurate statement, and would concede that for many children, whose home lives are less than happy, school is, indeed, a safe haven. In fact, I’ve known some homeschooling families whose children would be better off going to school than being subjected to an unhappy parent barking orders at them all day. However, that applies to less than 1% of all homeschoolers I’ve known.

For the vast majority of school children, school is a stress-filled environment that is not ideal for learning. Many schools are full of bullies (both aggressive and subtle), unhappy and stressed out teachers, noise, and crowds. The author describes for us (several times) the ideal teacher. Unfortunately, not enough children receive the benefit of the ideal teacher. I’ve met some of these wondrous creatures, and, if every school child in the country were under the care of an ideal teacher their entire school career, I’m sure we would see the homeschooling numbers drop significantly. But the sad reality is that ideal teachers are few and far between.

“Fourth, there are political harms. Fundamentalist Protestant adults who were homeschooled over the last thirty years are not politically disengaged, far from it. They vote in far higher percentages than the rest of the population… Their capacity for political action is palpable and admirable, although doubly constrained: it is triggered by a call for action by church leaders, and in substance, it is limited to political action the aim of which is to undermine, limit, or destroy state functions that interfere with family and parental rights.”

It seems oddly sad to me that a law professor would be complaining about citizens exercising their right to vote. It is sadder yet that she would consider this a “harm of homeschooling”. If the purpose of education is to produce citizens, (see Good Citizenship: The Purpose of Education from the Eleanor Roosevelt Papers Project), then how can voting numbers be a harm of homeschooling. I can understand Ms. West’s concern about the number of “religious right” voters who are directed by church leaders rather than their own informed decision, as I share that concern. But I don’t for a minute believe that this is a harm of homeschooling. I believe this is a failure of the left to mobilize an apathetic electorate. Not that I can back this up with anything other than my own knowledge of hundreds of homeschooling families, but left and right, homeschoolers vote. Far and away, homeschoolers are the most politically active people I’ve ever known. It may be true that some of the HSLDA members are mobilized as Ms. West states, by their church leaders, but the homeschoolers I know consider the issues carefully, talk about them with their children and have their children participate, to the extent allowed, in the election process.

I actually find it encouraging, if it is true, that these politically engaged people are acting to protect family and parental rights. I’d be even happier if they were also acting to protect the rights of gays, minorities, children, and everyone else, but I can’t have it all…

The fifth harm is ethical. Ms. West’s argument here is that “Child-raising that is relentlessly authoritarian risks instilling what developmental psychologists call “ethical servility”: a failure to mature morally beyond the recognition of duties of obedience.”

This is assuming that the vast majority of homeschooling parents are patriarchal, heavy-handed, authoritarians, however, this is so far from the truth as to be laughable. Yes, there are a lot of Christian homeschoolers, but the picture Ms. West paints of the typical homeschooler is one I have yet to meet, and I’ve been homeschooling for 11 years in three states and attended numerous local, state, national and international homeschooling events. In that time I’ve met well over 500 homeschooling families and not one of them conforms to the author’s stereotypes. This is not to say that the “relentlessly authoritarian” homeschooler does not exist, but it is far from an over-arching harm of homeschooling.

The healthiest parent/child relationships I know of are homeschoolers. That’s not to say that families whose children are in school don’t have healthy, close relationships, some do. But it is in the homeschooling families where there is a true partnership between parent and child, where the children aren’t treated as children in the typical sense, but as people who sometimes need extra help but also people who know themselves best and what is best for them.

The sixth harm she lists is educational. She gives us the public school as the measure of success, yet the overall success of public school students is nothing any homeschooler I know would wish to mimic. Schools are doing a notoriously poor job of educating our populace, because they were designed to do so. (See the “Weapons of Mass Instruction” by John Taylor Gatto). As many people do, she is confusing the memorization of facts with an education. The majority of homeschoolers want their children to be able to learn on their own and think for themselves. Our test preparation for the standardized tests goes something like, “don’t think about the fact that several of the answers can be correct, or that the actual answer isn’t one of the four choices, just select the one you think a narrow-minded person would think is correct.” The fact that so many people tout the standardized tests as something of value for homeschoolers is laughable. In no way do those test show us the gaps in our children’s educations, we place no stock in the results. We are with our children, exploring the world with them (yes, most of us do leave the house, in fact, most of us are rarely home!), and helping them learn to learn and keep the love of learning they are born with.

I find it funny that she also comments about parents who let their child skateboard or play video games all day. I would love for her to have a real conversation with any one of the fabulous unschooled youth who have been allowed to do whatever they want, whenever they want. I think it would blow her mind just how articulate and engaged these kids are!

Her final harm is economic. Here’s where I certainly am at a loss to follow her logic. She starts off by stating that “the average homeschooling family may have a higher income than the average non-homeschooler, as was recently reported by USA Today.” Then goes on to talk about the “radically fundamentalist” families and concludes with, “These families are not living in romantic, rural, self-sufficient
farmhouses; they are in trailer parks, 1,000- square-foot homes, houses owned by relatives, and some, on tarps in fields or parking lots. Their lack of job skills, passed from one generation to the next, depresses the community’s overall economic health and their state’s tax base.

From what I know of averages, for the average homeschooling family to have a higher income than the average non-homeschooler, it would have to mean that there are very, very few trailer park homeschoolers as a percentage of the whole. When you consider that almost all homeschooling families are single income families, logic would dictate that the trailer park homeschoolers are so small in number as to not be a threat at all. Certainly a higher percentage of non-homeschoolers are double income families, so the economic threat that Ms. West alludes to doesn’t seem to actually be there.

Other bloggers have addressed the inaccuracies in her claims regarding the legality of homeschooling, and done so far better than I ever could here and here.

Throughout the entire article there is a complete lack of citations, footnotes, or other research references. This seems odd to me for a periodical published by a large university. In the article the author is presenting as scholarly fact her unfounded and unresearched opinions of homeschoolers and is trying to get the reader to come to an emotional decision about homeschooling and its need for regulation without actually showing that regulation works (there are plenty of states that regulate homeschoolers, so the data supporting it shouldn’t be that hard to come by if it does work). She seems to have a desire to stereotype homeschoolers as a scary, conservative, politically active, uneducated, unskilled threat to the American way of life. This is so far from any homeschooler I know.

The homeschoolers I know are diverse politically (just from our bumper stickers alone: Ron Paul, Obama, Bush, Pro-Choice, Pro-Life, Gay Rights are equal rights, One man + one woman = marriage, etc. – and that’s just in Corvallis!), religiously (Baptist, Jewish, Catholic, Presbyterian, Unitarian, Atheist, agnostic, pagan, etc.), in our homeschooling style (school at home, eclectic, unschooling, etc.), in our parenting beliefs (attachment parenting, chore charts, consensual, benevolent dictator, democratic, etc.), ethnically, racially, family structure, sexual orientation, and gender identity.

Mostly, we homeschool so that we can provide the best education for our children. We are, for the most part, well educated ourselves and eager to learn alongside our children. We see life as a learning experience and don’t try to separate it out into set aside hours as schools do. It would be impossible to regulate such an education without diluting it and causing a loss of richness. Homeschooled kids are not burnt out. I know very, very few homeschoolers who don’t like to read. They learn to read when they are ready, be that four, six, ten or 12. By the time they are 15, you can’t tell who learned at four and who learned at 12. But with schooled kids, you can tell at 15 who was ready to read at six and who should have been allowed to wait until they were 12, because the ones who should have been allowed to wait hate to read and don’t unless they are required to.

Deregulation of homeschooling benefits us all by providing the world with people who are still curious and eager to learn. Homeschooling is regulated in many states in this country, and there is no difference between the outcomes of homeschooled kids in regulated states vs. unregulated states. We can spend our tax money on things that actually make a difference – there is no need to spend it on regulating homeschoolers!

I'm Grateful for Busyness

Wow! What a week!

Monday the 16th I worked on cleaning and sewing as well as getting my teeth cleaned and having a lunch meeting with the Boys & Girls Club clubhouse director. I'm thankful to have found the most fun dental hygienist ever! And I'm thankful that the Boys & Girls Club hires such great staff - so easy to work with.

Tuesday I finished Bekka's solo dress modifications and Steve came home. Thankful for the ability to sew well - thanks, Mom!

Wednesday Bekka had class here in Corvallis. We were going to leave for Portland at 3:00 so she could go to open studio, but just as we were walking out the door, found out that she was needed to teach (I thought she had checked the day before!) - so that day I was very thankful for the ability to be flexible. We moved the floor covering they had been using for hard shoe practice to the Corvallis Dance Center where the Adv. Beg. and Novice class is held, then back again to where the Prizewinner/Champ class is held, then over to our house where it will be stored over the break. THEN we left for Portland.

Thursday we flew to Denver for the Western Regional Oireachtas!!! Steve and I got to tour the Mint at the last minute, which as interesting. Very thankful that our flight was not affected by the computer glitch that delayed most of the day's flights. I'm also thankful for the friendly TSA staff at PDX - they are so great! And I'm thankful that Annamanda found the Crown Plaza - just two blocks from the convention center and two blocks from great, easy, food - the Corner Bakery Cafe and the Cooks' Choice Market, where I ate most of my meals.

Friday was the under's competition. We pretty much just got to hang out. Then Friday night was teams practice. The pressure was really on for our coach. I'm grateful for our amazing team kids who just let it all roll off their backs. I crazily volunteered to PAINT one of the men's competition vest! Yikes! I'm grateful for a steady hand and not messing it up. He loved it, thank goodness.

Saturday was teams. Bekka wasn't up for a while so we got to sleep in. They looked so great! Her ceile' recalled and placed tenth and her figure choreography took second (out of only two, but they were very good - wish there had been other teams). Our school's dance drama is the talk of the message boards - "Risque!" "Scandalis!" Our teacher is very pleased! It was a great show, even though there were several wardrobe malfunctions. I'm grateful for this crazy pseudo-family that we've come into through Irish Dance. These are just amazing people. Our school really is just so great.

Sunday was Bekka's solo competition. Her's was first thing - 8:00am. She had to be there and ready by 7:00. Her dress looked great and she danced well. The judges weren't as impressed and we were, and placed her third from last, but for a prizewinner, I thought she did great! We all went to the awards ceremony where we cheered for Allie, Tim, John, and Alex, our World Qualifiers, and for Nikki, who once again was one place away from WQ. After the ceremony we all went to the Spaghetti Factory - what a fun night! So thankful for the GREAT attitude of ALL our dancers - they are just SO AWESOME!

Monday we got up and went to the airport. A day of traveling and getting home. Steffi, her cousin Andria, and Steve's folks were already home when we got here. I'm thankful that I set up the in-law's room (which is really my room, but I'm the first to give up a room for guests) before we left.

Today I mostly finished cleaning the house. I have two bathrooms left. So grateful for my Plan HC friends, who I met with this afternoon and having a clean dining room. Yea!

I'm Grateful For: Clean Rooms

Since I had the house all to myself most of the day, I finally got around to cleaning Steffi's room. She is on her annual trek to south Texas to visit with Steve's folks and when she returns our house will be full of family for Thanksgiving, so before she left I asked if I could clean her room.

It's just so nice to get one room totally clean every once in a while!

I'm Grateful for: Trader Joe's and Honest People

After participating in and giving part of the Service Unit Cookie Manager Training in Eugene, I headed over to Trader Joe's. I LOVE TJ's and I especially love going by myself when I can really look at what's in stock.

But after a full day of training, my brain felt completely full of noodles! I spent some time picking out some new beer varieties, then I left it in the bottom of the cart and drove off. Once I got on the Delta Hwy I realized that not only had I left the beer, but that I had also forgotten that I was going to stop by Costco and get gas. Yikes - I used to be fairly sharp, hardly forgetting anything, but I'm starting to worry about my memory lately.

Since I had to go back by TJ's anyway, I stopped to see if some kind person had turned it in and sure enough - I didn't even have to finish my question before they were saying "yes, they had it". Yea!

I'm Grateful For: Naps!

Bekka and I went to Homeschool Central at the Boys & Girls Club this morning for our occasional swap. By the time we dropped off the extra stuff to Vina Moses, got home and got lunch I had a terrible headache.

I love that I have the freedom to take a long, healing nap in the middle of the afternoon!

I'm Grateful For: Update Posts

It is already Thursday - well six minutes until Friday and I haven't posted since Monday.

So here's a list of things I'm thankful for this week:
My ability to figure things out
My rolled hem presser foot
Incredible musicians - have you seen Once?
Fabric Depot in Portland (wish it were much closer, but still...)
The Corvallis advanced dancers who routinely go up to Portland: Colleen, Tim, Sierra, and Maddie - you guys make the drive so entertaining! "It's 43 degrees and we're headed North." "Ya' big dummy." "Northwest!" "North!" All together now...

I'm Grateful For: Cats Who Love Too Much

We are down to two indoor cats (and one outdoor cat - no cats cross the threshold!), and they are so far from aloof it is often annoying, but I love it as well.

Lyra is just so entirely in love with me that she can't bear to be away from me. And if she has been, and we are reunited, she kneads, and purrs and rubs her face on mine. When I come home, she is at the door to greet me - begging to be lifted to my shoulder (so she can rub on my face). She loves the rest of the family, too, but I seem to be the recipient of most of her affections.

She wasn't always like this, but the last several months, she has been getting steadily more dependent on me emotionally. I'm starting to wonder where it will end! As I write this, she is laying on me - staking her claim to her spot for the night.

Tamwyn, our other indoor cat, is crying at me from the floor because she beat him to the coveted spot. Now, if he is up and she comes along she'll jump on up and reestablish her claim. He's not entirely keen on her, so he'll jump off quite quickly and concede the spot. But if she beat him to it, he'll give up and go away, waiting for another (rare and getting rarer) time when she isn't on me.

Most cats really aren't lap cats - and I feel so fortunate to have two who practically fight over the honor!

I'm Grateful For: Dedicated Dance Teachers

With less than two weeks until Oireachtas (the Regional Championships), I think Jim and Lauren are now spending more time with our kids than with their own! They give the dancers everything they've got! They are generous, fun loving, kind, hard, and oh-so-dedicated to the entire An Daire family.

I'm Grateful For: Fabulous Friends & Birthdays

Today is my fabulous friend, Dominique's birthday. I feel so fortunate to be able to help her celebrate. She is one of the most beautiful people I know, shining brightly and peacefully from the inside.

I made a cake for her last night, got a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine and some other treats on the way over and we enjoyed fresh homemade hummus, pita bread, 3P soup (my personal favorite), rosemary bread, a wonderful salad, and conversation late into the night.

I'm Grateful For: Fun Shoes

Mostly because as soon as I got these shoes I wanted to post a photo of them. They make me smile to look at them. The girls don't like 'em, but my friends and I do - must be a generational thing.

I'm Grateful For: Slow Start Mornings and Interesting People

This morning I had "laptop in bed" and didn't get up until well after 10:30. I just love it when I have a little extra time to poke around and explore what's out there.

While checking my email I found a great blog that I am thankful for by a couple in Dallas, OR who are trying to reduce the amount of landfill-bound garbage they produce in one year to less than a shoebox with a few, well thought out exceptions.

This afternoon I drive Bekka and a few other dancers up to Portland to prepare for Oireachtas (the Irish Dance Regional Championships). The forecast says rain, so I'll also be grateful that Steve and Steffi are off in TX with the Prius, causing me to have to take the Sequoia up.

November - a Month of Gratitude

Today on my monthly GUTS call, Reggie asked us what we are going to focus on this month with regard to gratitude.

I said that I will notice. I will notice the small and the large things around me, for simply to notice (without judgment) is to be grateful.

I am already grateful for a couple of reminders from several fellow GUTS girls: viewing everything, even those things we don't like, with an attitude of gratitude; focusing on letting go of expectations; and daily journaling.

This reminded me of a daily blogging exercise, which I haven't done in such a long time. In fact, as I logged in, I noticed that I hadn't blogged at all since August! BTW, the Julie & Julia movie and post-movie discussion at Big River was so GREAT! So, for the rest of the month of November, I will try to post a gratitude or two each and every day.

I will start by backdating what I've been grateful for the first three days of the month...

I'm Grateful for: Clients who turn into friends

Today I ran into my best client and her daughter at Borders. They were on their way to a quick dinner and a Tech Smartz meeting and allowed me to invite myself along. I really enjoyed talking with them both at dinner and freezing and recapping the meeting in the parking lot after.

I am also grateful for my very understanding friends on the Plan HC committee. When I called just as the meeting was to start to tell them that I had forgotten (after completely forgetting a GS leader meeting the night before - Yikes!), they were just so great about it.

And I'm grateful for the technology available to chat with an absent member of the committee while the rest of us met live.

I'm Grateful for: Time to Breathe

I am SO GRATEFUL for time to clean and cook and just BE today. I've been up way too late the previous week getting things done that it is just so nice to have a little breathing room.

I'm Grateful For: Time Change and a Successful Feis

Today, we set our clocks back one hour. I am always SO grateful for this each year. I love how much easier it is to get up in the morning right after this annual change. This morning especially since it is the second morning of Feile Samhain, the Feis (Irish Dance competition) that our school, An Daire hosts. Getting up at 6:30 just wasn't quite as hard today as it would have been yesterday because of the extra hour of sleep.

The Feis went SO smoothly this year, and I am ever so grateful to all the hard working An Daire volunteers who helped make it so. Thank you everyone!

I'm Intrigued

Just before the midnight showing of the latest Harry Potter movie, a preview came on for a movie I just knew I would have to see, "Julie & Julia". It just looked like good entertainment to me.

This morning in my inbox was "Julie, Julia and 4 Funny Books We Love" from the Oprah Bookclub, which I don't normally read, but I just HAD to click to find out more. Inside was an interview with Julie Powell, the Julie of "Julie & Julia". Come to find out, it is a fascinating (at least for a blogger) true story, based on Julie's blog.

When I started reading the interview I had the idea of a mom's night out to go see the movie, then a one-book book group to read the book, in that order 'cause I've never done that before. I immediately thought of my friend, Liddy, because she is a writer and I thought she would think it great fun.

With that percolating all day, and talking with Liddy, who did indeed think it would be great fun, I just had to see if the blog is still up. What do you know? I found it with ease and just started reading it. Do you want to read it with me? Let's start with the first page.

Dance for Life Feis Success

One year ago we took Bekka to the Dance for Life Feis in Seattle. She placed first in all of her dances and moved them from Adv. Beg. to Novice. She decided that Dance for Life was her favorite Feis.

This year Dance for Life ended up being on the same weekend as da Vinci Days (the premiere festival here in Corvallis). But, Dance for Life being Bekka's lucky Feis, it became the favored activity. Steffi decided to compete this year as well, and we also brought our friend, Norah for good measure.

Well, Norah has been battling her Hornpipe - it was the only dance she still had in Beginner 1 and she placed, moving it up to Adv. Beginner. Steffi hates the Beginner 1 slip jig and placed, moving it up, which means she never has to do that one again.

Bekka had three dances remaining in Novice with all the rest in Prizewinner, and yes, she took first in all three of those dances!

She still loves Dance for Life - it is still her Lucky Feis. Congrats, girls!

Music by Steffi

Steffi just finished the Coming of Age program at the UU and loved it! During her wilderness retreat she wrote the following song. Hope you enjoy it...

Busyness

From the March-April issue of Utne, in the article "The Lonely American" by Jacqueline Olds and Richard Schwartz:

A good friend described the impact of busyness on our neighborhoods brilliantly: "Being neighborly used to mean visiting people. Now being nice to your neighbors means not bothering them." People's lives are shaped by how busy they are. Lives also are shaped by the respect and deference that is given to busyness - especially when it is valued above connection and community. If people are considerate, they assume that their neighbors are very busy and so try not to intrude on them. Dropping by is no longer neighborly. It is simply rude.

We treat socializing as if it's a frivolous diversion from the tasks at hand rather than an activity that is essential to our well-being as individuals and as a community. Soon our not bothering to call people (or even e-mail them) gets read by others as a sign that we are too caught up in the sweep of our own lives to have time for them. Our friends are not surprised. Our relatives may be indignant, but even they know how hard it is. An unspoken understanding develops. It's too bad that we've lost touch, but that's the way it is.

I read this just after writing my last blog post on the busy cycle I was finding myself in, and I found it so ironic. I value connection, and I try to align what I'm doing with what I value. But there are so many options out there and so many of them sound so good! This seems to be especially true in the month of May here in the Willamette Valley - I could probably go to at least three things each day that I would completely enjoy. It becomes hard to choose. And it becomes increasingly hard to focus on my priorities.

Yesterday my life coach told us of the Good Samaritan Experiment conducted in 1973. The researchers told half the group of seminary students that they would be speaking on the Good Samaritan, the other half were told that they would be preparing a talk on seminary jobs. When the time came to give the sermons, the researchers planted an actor in an alley that they each had to walk by to get to the lecture hall where they were to give their sermon. The actor was playing the part of the mugged man in need of help - groaning loudly enough for passers by to hear that he needed help. The researchers told some of the participants they needed to hurry and the others that they had plenty of time. The most important factor in whether they stopped to help was how much of a hurry they were in, even if they were on their way to give a talk on the Good Samaritan!

What I get from this is that I really need to be careful to not be in such a rush from being overly busy/over-scheduled, that I loose sight of my values. And really, it took me such a long time and so much hard work to figure out and to define what my values really are, that it is unfair to sabotage those efforts and let busyness get in between me and my values. Scheduling and letting go, evaluating and letting go even more. Breathing. Relaxing. Enjoying.

I want to, once more, be more aware of the joy in everything. It is my true compass. If I'm not finding joy, but duty or obligation, then the activity does not serve me. It is such a simple test, but oh so hard to remember to give consistently. Old habits sneak back in and I find myself, once again, needing to examine what I'm spending my time on and weeding out those items that creep in without joy.

Cycles of my year

Warning - I am definitely talking to myself in this post. Sometimes I just need to get these types of thoughts down, and this is now my chosen forum.

I am in a busy cycle again. Saying yes to things that I maybe don't need to say yes to, but also having things that I want to do stack up on top of each other (time wise). I'm at the point where I realize that I've said yes to too many things and start to back off.

It helps me to list out all the things I have going on, to take inventory, so I can realign my activities with my priorities. I do tend to over volunteer - this was how, for so many years as we were moving often, I would get to know people quick enough to have friends before moving yet again. Now that we are settled, I have a bit of a hard time saying no to things I would have otherwise said yes to. I always have this thought in the back of my mind (that sometimes creeps to the front) that tells me I should be doing whatever it is - that I should be giving my time. It is a twinge, and I have to silence it by reminding myself that I do give of my time and more so than so many others.

It seems like my friends are also in a busy phase, yet I want so much to stop and connect - share a meal, watch a movie, hang out and talk. I'm feeling disconnected yet again, but hesitant to ask for their time and also unwilling to figure out the one hour next week we could possibly all have free. I guess I'm feeling a little tired to. Eating as much sugar as I have been isn't helping!

This is the time of year where I realize that I do NEED to come together with other unschoolers to remember who I truly want to be without the outside (and internal) pressures to DO. It has been a very long time since L&L in September and I'm needing that boost that can only be gotten at an unschooling conference. I wish I were allowed to attend the LIFE is Good Unschooling conference at the end of May, it saddens me that my family is specifically excluded yet again. I wish I were able to attend the Good Vibrations conference, but just don't see how I can make that work. I keep thinking I would like to just organize my own unschooling conference, but I just don't see how I would with all the other things I do! I've got the ideas - just need people to carry them out - and the idea of site selection - Ack!

I know the next steps - and I know they will come soon enough. May is always crazy busy - the end of the school year always is (even though we live as if school doesn't exist, we are still very much affected by its schedule).


My list of current involvement - for purposes of taking inventory for myself:

• TLC co-owner/moderator
  
• OSUU owner/moderator/facilitator
  
• Girl Scout Leader (helping girls start Brownie troop, plan Savannah trip, etc - currently meeting about 8 hours/week)
  
• Homeschool Central organizer (and, yes, list owner/co-moderator - there's no such thing as running too many yahoo groups, is there?) (Currently looking into new web presence - wikispot maybe - which will involve lots of learning)
  
• An Daire Academy webmaster (ah, and list co-moderator, hmm)
  
• GUTSgirls.ning site developer
  
• Creative Memories consultant (Currently working on Tessa's huge heritage project and just offered to help Sally learn the software - need to follow up on UU auction)
  
• Team Product Finding Service
  
• Coming of Age Parenting Workshops

Recently finished:

• SU Cookie Manager for the year (well, almost finished)
  
• Event Photographer for Fuzzy Buddy Tea Party - totally fun!
  
• Council Delegate

Currently considering:

• Council Product Sales Team

Recently said no to:

• Women's Retreat Committee
  
• Leading Just Try It classes at Homeschool Central

Wishing I were doing a better job at:

• Welcoming new homeschoolers
  
• OSUU Meetings
  
• Involving the girls in trip planning
  
• Decreasing inventory
  
• Meal planning/execution
  
• Home maintenance projects

Trust Children

"Trust Children. Nothing could be more simple, or more difficult. Difficult because to trust children we must first learn to trust ourselves, and most of us were taught as children that we could not be trusted." --John Holt

Earth Hour

Okay - what am I missing here? I find it ironic that the folks over at www.earthhour.org want us to upload pictures/video or blog during earth hour (which is from 8:30 to 9:30 tonight). Don't the computer, modem, router, etc. use far more electricity than the lights?

Don't get me wrong, I really do believe we need to take action and do what we can to reverse the effects of global warming, I'm just not sure we can do that by using our computers.

My compromise? Blog first, turn EVERYTHING off during.

Who Am I?

Yesterday I started a new social networking site for my life coach so that the GUTS Girls can connect and support each other on a more consistent basis. I just love playing on my computer - I do think it is my favorite possession!

So, in setting up my profile, I needed to answer the question, "Tell us a little about yourself" because I want everyone else on the site to answer that question.

Wow - why is this simple question always so hard to answer? I have my profile blurb that you can see on the right, but is that WHO I AM? Then I have all my roles - so many roles it makes my head spin thinking about them all - unschooling mom, unschooling advocate, homeschooling organizer, master recycler, wife, foster parent for kittens, GS leader and county cookie manager, gay rights advocate, humanist & UU, environmentalist (to some degree anyway), natural birth/nursing advocate, attachment parenting advocate and on and on it goes. You know, I'm also a daughter and a sister and a cousin and a neighbor and a former classmate, and... They are labels and there seems to be this big anti-label thing going on, at least in the unschooling and life coaching communities (more labels, no?).

Am I my roles? My roles really are how others see me, or how I relate with others. But who am I really?

I strive to be authentic. I try to be real with people. I am also working on being more compassionate - I'm usually compassionate, but I do find holes where I could be far more compassionate. I'm working on losing a lot of the judgements that I've always formed - judging isn't me any more, except when it is.

How do I answer this question in a meaningful way? What do people want to know about when they read the answers to that question?

Do I share my values? My values really are who I am at my core, right? And they probably are the most telling. I could also share my preferences. Or I could just say, "I am Joni", but that just doesn't carry the same weight for me as it does for someone like Diana!

So: I am Joyful Wise One. I am an evolving humanist who values joy, connection, growth, respect, comfort, honesty, and authenticity. Service is my primary love language. Among many other things, I am an unschooling mom of two girls, a parenting coach, and a volunteer. I am usually concerned about doing the right thing and am trying hard to be more compassionate in my life.

What do you think? For those of you who know me, does that give an accurate picture of who I am?

An Important Book

I brought the following Goodreads review here because I want people to know about this book:

As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl by John Colapinto

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I didn't find this book to be riveting in the writing style - it can be rather dry and there are parts that drag on a bit. But it is a fascinating true story about identical twin boys who, because of a circumcision gone horribly wrong, are raised as brother and sister.

The ego of Dr. John Money is infuriating and it is frustrating just how he managed to get all these cases of sex reassignment. I find it baffling that all these parents would let their children have these yearly therapy sessions with this nut without oversight, especially when the children were all vocal about not wanting to go and would get more nervous about meeting with the man as they grew older. People - listen to your children!!! They are the experts of themselves!

There are just two other parts that I have to write about. The first is that there seems to be confusion on the part of the author in the difference between gender identity (the gender you perceive yourself to be) and sexual orientation (the gender you are sexually attracted to). The author doesn't seem to understand that these two things are not necessarily related.

The other thing I want to comment on is the underlying belief that all these children have to suffer the taunting of their school peers. Children do NOT have to suffer this kind of cruelty! Do whatever you have to do to keep your children home if society cannot accept them for who they are. Let them develop their sense of self without cruel children telling them they are a freak.

I came away from this book with a strong belief that intersexed children should remain as they were born until they decide that they want to do something about it. But they need the full support of their parents to be able to develop into who they are meant to be without the taunting and teasing of people who think everyone must be the same (well, they can be a boy or a girl, but beyond that the girls all must be the same and the boys must all be the same).

I also came away with a slight fear of "experts". There is something to be said for people who have humility and a more fluid viewpoint. Who can consider actual circumstances rather than always have the "right" answer before even being presented with the case.

While this isn't a parenting book, I chose to place in on my parenting shelf because I feel that it is an important book for parents.


View all my reviews.

No Wonder

As I was uploading my images onto my computer the other day I found a whole slew of pictures that Bekka and her friends took on Feb. 2 - Groundhog's Day. The shadows are long and sharp.

No wonder our winter has been dragging on so severely!

Two Lovely Inauguration Recaps

I keep stumbling across such fabulous works of art. I don't know why I haven't come across any of these artists before the inauguration, but I'm so glad to have found them now.

The first is a wonderful writer who shares her partner's photographs with a very compelling account of the day.

The second is a talented painter/writer who has a fun take on this historic event.

I hope you enjoy them...

Spreading the Love

I saw this over at Ginger's blog (and also at Jean's blog, and followed it back to Tabitha's blog, which is far as I traced it - so I don't know whose original idea this is, but it's a good one!). It sounds like a lot of fun and a great way to connect with others.

Here's the deal:

The first five people to respond to this post will get something made by me. I will try to make these be about or tailored to those five lucky people. This offer does have some restrictions and limitations:
- I make no guarantees that you will like what I make!
- What I create will be just for you.
- It’ll be done this year
- You have no clue what it’s going to be.

The catch? Oh, the catch is that you have to put this in your blog/journal as well. Please link to your blog so that I can visit and read in case we are new friends.

Philadelphia Bound!

We found out today and we are so excited!

The background:
Over the holidays a lot of the teams dancers decided, for various reasons, that they would not be continuing on a team, which means that the coach has had to scramble to figure out what teams he can put together for worlds. At the beginning of January we got a roster of the reorganized dance teams and Bekka was no longer on the Figure Choreography but now on a new Ceili. Then the new Ceili didn't go, but she's still been going to each and every practice, hoping that she would make it back onto a team so she could go to the world championships in Philadelphia.

At each practice she's filled in for someone who couldn't make it that day for whatever reason. And in the mean time we've been kind of bugging Jim (her instructor/coach) for a final decision so we could make travel arrangements if she is going.

Today after practice Jim called Bekka and me into the hall and told her, "I would like for you to go to the world championships in Philadelphia on both the Figure and the Sr. Ladies Ceili." WOW! We are very surprised. We had been hoping that she would make it back onto the Figure, but had no idea he was considering her for the Ceili. Our Sr. Ladies Ceili is VERY good. This is the team that placed 6th at worlds last year!!

I'm very proud of her - she has been working very hard for this.

Right Here Right Now

This is really funny in that ironic way. On our drive up to Portland a song came on that I've heard probably a hundred times (it's on one of the four CDs that we've had in the car for the last year), but I've never really listened to it before. I'm a lyrics person usually, and these lyrics, "Right here, right now there is no other place I want to be. Right here, right now watching the world wake up from history" caught my consciousness and made me think of the inauguration and all the positive changes that are happening right now.

So I decided that I wanted to share the song ("Right Here, Right Now" by Jesus Jones) with you and thought YouTube would be the most reliable way to do that and what I found was the song set to Obama's campaign. Unfortunately, the video has been removed due to copyright infringement. So, click on this link to listen to or read the lyrics to this song.

Proud to be an American, finally

I've never wanted to fly the flag - ever. There've been many times I've felt like I "should", but I've never wanted to, until yesterday during the inauguration. Of course, I didn't actually have a flag, or a place to hang one, but I finally feel proud to be an American.

I'm just so inspired. Aren't you?

I believe that President Obama has already done more for our country than the last four presidents combined - before he even got to the White House! Even if his agenda gets completely blocked in Washington (which, of course, I hope doesn't happen), he has inspired so many Americans to take action, get involved, and help each other. I really don't think there's anything stopping us now.

Have you seen USAService.org? This is a website set up as a clearing house for service projects anywhere in the US. It was set up for the MLK Day of Service, and it continues to answer President Obama's call to ongoing service to our communities. You can go to the website if you are hosting an event that needs volunteers or go to find something cool to do with your time to help your community. It is a great way to match up projects with the people needed to complete them. This is what I think patriotism is really all about - helping each other and improving our country (not that other patriotism of blowing people up).

It truly feels like a brand new era to me, and I'm so glad to be sharing this journey with my family and friends.

Great Idea - A Year of Living Charitably

Today I found this blog. I got the link from the family off of the TRAVULL Yahoo Group. From the group description, "This is a place for unschoolers to meet virtually and in real life, and share resources and experiences, and also find friends to travel with." The website also provides a data base for unschoolers willing to host other unschooling families.

Anyway, I click over to the blog and she is chronicling their charitable activities throughout the year, what they are doing, what difference it makes and whether it was worth it. This is definitely a blog I want to keep up with this year, especially since so many are feeling so hard hit with job losses, investment losses and the swirling economic uncertainty.

Time Space Continuum or How Come It's Only Sunday?

As free-flowy as our days are, as unscheduled and non-demanding as we keep our time, I still almost always know what day it is and kind of what time it is. Part of that is the things the girls have going on throughout the week - on Monday, Bekka gets together with some friends, on Tuesday, Steffi plays with music with Suz and Bekka tries to go dance at the Celtic Session, on Wednesday we have GS and Bekka teaches private lessons, on Thursday we have Irish Dance classes and Bekka goes to Out & About, on Friday we go to Homeschool Central at the Boys & Girls Club, Saturday is Teams day in Portland, and on Sunday Steffi goes to RE.

These steady activities form the framework of our week and would help me to remember that today is, in fact, Sunday. But a couple of weeks ago everything just stopped (well, except Bekka getting together with friends). I'm sure it is a welcome change for those who are always running around trying to fit in work and school and more activities than we would ever want to try to do in a week. I'm sure they want a total break from all the craziness for just a few weeks. But I don't like it! We like our regular activities - that's why we do them! We like seeing the people we see at these activities - that's another reason we do them. I miss our friends we see through these activities - and it seems like most of them have gone out of town. Sigh.

So sometime about halfway through the day yesterday, I started believing that it was Sunday, not Saturday. Last night I asked Bekka where her friends were meeting "tomorrow" and she said, "you mean the day after tomorrow". "No, today is Sunday," I reply. Both Bekka and Steffi tell me that no, it is Saturday. I had to look at the date on my computer before I could believe them.

Then, as I was waking this morning, I was thinking of the things I need to do today, as if it were Monday. It wasn't until after my shower that I remembered that today is Sunday, not Monday. I guess I just don't do well without the framework! I feel as if I am just floating through time with no grounding. I'm sure I will need more reminders throughout the day to stay in Sunday and not float off to Monday. It is almost an out of body experience.

I guess I'm not as free-flowy as I thought I was. I thought I had come so far from the CPA I once was who kept track of time in six minute increments. Okay, yeah, I have, but I guess I still need the framework to know where, in time, I am.

“What you remember is not what they think you will remember”

I am currently reading “Annie Freeman’s Fabulous Traveling Funeral” by Kris Radish. I’m about three quarters of the way through it. I almost didn’t make it past the first chapter – some crazy banter about a woman morning the loss of her favorite bra – but I’m oh so glad I did. Every couple of pages there is an amazing line, or paragraph, or thought, or reflection. It will make for some interesting blogging, I think.

So for today, I’d like to share this from page 14:

Katherine thinks then for just a moment about her mother and she has the same pangs of regret, of missing, of loss, of suffocating sorrow. She allows herself to slip an inch down the wall, humbled even now, all the months, eight of them, following her mother’s death. The grieving, she knows, never ends, and all that will remain is the miracle of love. And she holds on to that miracle as if to save her life for the time it takes her to steady herself, to smell, without the reality of it, her mother’s scent – a fine mix of Dial soap, some ancient Avon product, garlic and Tide – her mother always used Tide.

“What you remember,” Katherine reminds herself, “is not what they think you will remember. It is often not.”

What memories are we making with the people we know right now, today? We usually think about making memories with the big things – the trips to Disneyland or the monumental Thanksgiving feast each year. But when you think about someone close to you, who you’ve lost, what is it you remember about them?

When I think about my mom, who has been dead for over 14 years, it is all the little things that I think about. Bits and pieces of the woman she was.

When we lived in Germany and we would go to church every Sunday, I remember her smelling of White Shoulders when we would get in the car. She would be dressed in some amazing suit and high heels and smell absolutely heavenly. I remember nothing of church itself, can’t even picture it, but I remember what my mom smelled like.

She was my Brownie Girl Scout leader and when I was in third grade we had a sleepover at the scout camp on base. We got to make French toast in the morning. And I remember her teaching us the songs, Annie May and Sweetly Sings the Donkey – getting down on her hands and kicking her feet up behind her like a donkey. She always did all the motions to all the songs – and we sang a lot of them.

When we moved back to the states and went back to the small town she had grown up in, we went into a store and a few minutes later we hear from the back room, “I’d know that laugh anywhere – that has to be Lois!” She was known for her huge smile and hearty laugh. My friends were always saying that I had the nicest mom, and she was. I attribute my evolution in parenting to her excellent example – I didn’t have much to overcome.

I remember eating green grapes together at the lake house while watching the impeachment of Richard Nixon. And I remember Santa bringing me things that my parents couldn’t afford and wouldn’t buy for me. I fully believed until I was 13 and my sisters finally couldn’t stand it anymore and told me. I still believe.

When my sisters went off to college I remember one time when they came home and we were playing charades. My mom got SO embarrassed because while she was pantomiming, my sister yelled “Boobs”. My mom was red for what seemed like hours!

I remember waking to the sound of her sewing machine, the always full of homemade cookies cookie jar, her playing the organ, and singing or humming hymns all the rest of the day on Sunday. Oh, and the amazing craft closet, full of wonderful supplies.

Bekka & Gramma feed the ducks
When I was much older and had Bekka, my mom moved to Spokane and worked as a live in care giver for a woman with MS so she could be closer to Bekka. She LOVED being a Gramma. She would watch Bekka as often as possible, and we would go visit her several times a week. She made Bekka the cutest clothes. She had had her own business custom sewing since she had retired from the bank, and she especially loved making clothes for toddler girls. They were always comfortable (never anything scratchy), and completely easy care. Cute dresses with matching diaper covers and hats were her specialty. Bekka’s first word was “hat” because she always had one, and it always matched what she was wearing.

We moved to Houston three months before she died of ovarian cancer. My sister called to let me know that mom wasn’t doing well and that we should come early for our visit we were planning. She died while Bekka and I were in baggage claim at the Spokane Airport, and I fully believe that she didn’t want us to see her at the end - that she wanted especially Bekka to remember her alive, not dying. When we got to the hospital the nurse was completely distraught. We ended up comforting HER, because she had lost a favored patient. She kept saying, “I can’t believe she’s gone, she was joking with the attendant on the way down to radiation.” Well, I could have told her ahead of time that my mom would go out joking. It was just not in her to be all solemn and depressed. To her way of thinking there was just no point in it. I don’t really remember her memorial service, but I do remember part of her burial, the part where all the little ones were running around laughing and playing. They were the first to throw dirt in the hole and were so happy to do so. It was exactly what she would have wanted and there is no way we could have planned it, it just happened. Joyful children celebrating life.

Other than maybe Santa and the sewing, I don’t think my mom anticipated me remembering any of these things, but they are the things I remember about her most readily. This makes me wonder, “What do I do that my kids will remember most?”

I invite you to list some of the things you remember about your mom in the comments section.

Oh, and I hope you read this post as a joyful post! We do not morn death, rather we celebrate life on this Journey of Joy.

So Many Thoughts...

I have so many thoughts swirling around that aren't quite coming together.

Some how, some time, I'd like to develop the following ideas:
Women's relationships with one another
How we in our society deal with the end of life
People who are such loud voices for certain values, but don't actually follow those values themselves
How unschooling affects all aspects of my life and all of my relationships
What does it really mean to support our children when they are in conflict?
Is it me, or is it them?
Is it reality that I see, or just an illusion?
The Five Love Languages and what difference does it make?
Can I be the person I want to be?
Confidence and courage
Trust
Am I enough?
Longing
How to build community that effectively supports its members
Inclusion, exclusion and is there any way to avoid the trouble these can cause
Forgiveness
What really is "in the best interest of our kids"?
And many more...

So far, the ideas just swirl, not really coming together in the way I want. I'm hopeful that sometime in the new year I will be in a place to develop them well.

You Draw?

Once again, it’s all Caren’s fault. She linked to Draw My Thing in her blog, and now Bekka and I are hooked! I’ve already wasted over 9 hours on the game – conveniently, the website tells you how much time you’ve wasted if you log in, not that you have to log in. I prefer to enter through I’m in Like with You because it gives you a larger screen and more options than the link from Caren’s blog.

In Draw My Thing, you are given a word to draw and the other people try to guess what you’re drawing, like Pictionary. There is also Jigsawce where you collaborate/compete with other players to complete a puzzle, Blockles, which is a competitive Tetris game and several others.

There seem to be no restrictions, so you get a lot of crudity in some of the matches of Draw. When I find a match that has a)people who actually draw (instead of spelling their words out), b)people who are polite, c)people who are smart, and d)people who are not crude and swearing unnecessarily the entire match, I find it very hard to leave. It’s especially fun to go into the same match as Bekka and play. We do not give each other hints or cheat in anyway, nor do we let on that we are in the same actual room. It’s surprising how many of each other’s words we get quickly just from knowing each other so well. The best one so far was "Kermit" - she drew a kind of a frog man and was just about to erase it when I got it.

If you are into these games, let me know so we can play together!

Birthday Celebration on a small scale

For those of you who are following along, Steve and Steffi drove up the coast yesterday and made it home in time for dinner and birthday cake...

They left Sacramento at 6am and got home about 8:30pm. A quick unloading of the car, dinner, cake and ice cream, and presents and that was the end of Steve's very long, very tiring 47th birthday.

We are very glad they made it home safely with all the crazy, crazy weather.

Frozen Morning

We live in Oregon's Central Willamette Valley where it rarely gets below 35 degrees in the winter - at night. Our weather is very moderate, which is one of the reasons we live here. But the entire country seems to be having severe winter weather this week, including us.

Growing up in eastern Washington, I know how to drive in the snow. But, living here we don't have snow tires, the streets aren't plowed and the other drivers aren't experienced in snow driving, so EVERYTHING in canceled for the third time this week. And Steve and Steffi are stuck in Sacramento waiting for a break in the weather so they can continue their trip home from South Texas.

When I woke up this morning the view from the same window as last night was this

Our front yard this morning

Beautiful, isn't it?

Night Wonder

Last night around 1am as I was going to bed, the view out our front window was just so beautiful I decided to try to capture the image... using my tripod and just the available light.

SNOW in the Valley

We got SNOW! We got snow on top of ice, but still, we got snow on Monday.

We didn't have to take Zane and Logan to the train station until Tuesday, so on Monday we went to Phillip's house for an Epic Snowball Fight. I took pictures until I was completely frozen and then stayed inside talking with my friend, Anne the rest of the time...

I love the girls cowering in the middle!


Phillip ready to get Zane with Kayleigh, Bekka and Logan in the background


"Gotcha!"

Going Sustainable on a, um, monthly basis

I know for most people this will definitely be TMI (too much information). But for others, you will either be saying "YES!" or "how come I never heard of this before?"

This post is about menstrual cups and cloth pads. Up until August, I had never heard of menstrual cups before. My oldest sent me a link for the Diva Cup and I was fascinated. Since buying my cup - they sell Diva at our local co-op, so I purchase one on our member appreciation day - I've found so much information. One place to start if you are interested is here. I won't go into a lot of detail, since there is so much better info out there. There is a forum where women from all over the world share all kinds of (very personal) information about using cups and I've learned a lot from them.

I just want to share that I love my cup and I especially love it combined with my new cloth pads. I really like the Lotus Pads, which are made locally in Beaverton. They have pads with fun colors, or organic cotton pads and excellent customer service. These pads are SO much more comfortable than disposables! I used to be just a tiny little bit grossed out by the thought of washable menstrual pads (and in awe of the environmental dedication of the women who wear them), but I'm a total convert now. Of course, anyone with a sewing machine could make their own pads, but I just wasn't feeling industrious and I love how the Lotus pad felt, so I ordered a bunch more. Lots more info on cloth pads can be found here with links for purchasing the different brands.

So there you have it - just one more way to help the environment in an oh-so-personal way!

Great Transgender Site

If you read here often you'll know that I'm not the most active blogger in the blogosphere, so it always surprises me when I get a new follower. When I logged in the other day I happened to notice that my followers number had increased (really - from 1 to 2 - it was noticeable!) and tonight I got curious (as unschoolers often do).

My new follower, Michael has the most incredible website with just about anything you'd like to know about transitioning. He includes tons of links for everything related. I especially love the links for people who have problems with trans people. You just have to go check it out - and if you know any kids who feel they were born into the wrong body, please, please, please send them to his site. Edited to add: Michael mentioned that people should visit T-Vox, it's the resource on the web for all things trans (well, he said it's the trans equivalent to wiki).

Since my blog really is my personal soapbox, I'll step up right now! I have no idea why this issue strikes me so, but it does. This, along with unschooling, peaceful parenting, breastfeeding, and natural childbirth are my "hot-button" issues, and yes, I think they are all tied together with a great big parenting bow. It all comes down to excellent parenting. I believe that no one can be an excellent parent if they do not respect who their child is as they are. And I believe that so many parents do their kids so much harm in the name of "their best interest". How can it possibly be in the child's best interest for their parents to think they should be someone they aren't? How can it be in the child's best interest to have their parents believe they are (insert adjective here - the most common ones for GLBT kids are sinners, an abomination, sick, going through a phase, brainwashed, etc.)? When their kid feels like the whole world is against them, shouldn't it be their parents who are in their corner, assuring them that they are perfect the way they are right now?

One day, about twelve years ago I heard a radio show - a call-in show. They were talking to people who were gay, but for whatever reason were living a straight lifestyle. Most of the stories were the same. There was so much pressure from parents, church, school as they were growing up to be straight (gay bashing is certainly still alive and well in our schools, and these were people who would have been in school at least twenty years ago), that they just never felt they could come out. These are people who are married with kids of their own. Every day of their adult life is a lie that they just don't feel they can straighten out. They said things like, "it would kill my wife to know the truth", "I would never do that to my kids", "my father would have a heart attack"... They feel completely trapped in their life because our straight culture is just so strong. It was one of the most moving things I've ever heard and I never, ever want one of my kids to think any of those thoughts. I don't ever want to push them to date guys. They know they have our complete support for a happy love life no matter what that looks like.

Steve used to have a male to female transgendered woman working for him (she no longer works for him because he is retired). When she transitioned, some of the women coworkers made a fuss about her using the woman's restroom. Ah - come on! What in the world did they think she would be doing in the restroom that they weren't doing??? It has to be hard enough to transition without stupid stuff like that! I was a little mortified when Steffi, all of about five years old looked at our friend, Jennifer and said, "you have daddy hands"! But an innocent observation from a five year old is just so different than a totally biased, knowledgeable complaint about bathrooms from an adult. I imagine it doesn't really sting any less, and if I could have prevented it, I would have, but that is why we need to be sensitive, because not everyone is able to be (like small children).

From what I have heard and read, it is easier, physically to transition from female to male, mostly because the testosterone hormones give people such physical changes - it deepens the voice, makes hair grow in places nobody wants hair, builds muscle, to name just a few. People transitioning from male to female usually are unable to afford the extensive surgeries and therapies that would be required to really pass as female - the voice, hands, hair, etc. don't change just because you are on hormone therapy. And if she started adult life as a somewhat large man, it makes it all the more difficult.

We as a society need to broaden our definitions of normal so that we can all accept everyone for who they are. Currently, most people think of sexual orientation as either gay, straight or bi. But sexual orientation (who you are sexually attracted to) is a full spectrum, from completely gay to completely straight with everything (and almost every one) somewhere in between. Gender Identity (what gender you perceive yourself to be) is also a full spectrum that can be completely unrelated to the genitalia you are born with, and is completely unrelated to sexual orientation. We need to open our minds so that we can accept everyone on both spectra, no matter where they fall on those spectra. This is vital to our children growing up sexually healthy and whole.

And by the way, if you don't think our culture pushes being straight, you haven't listened to music, watched a movie or read a book.

I now return you to my regularly tranquil blog...

Chronicling vs Reflecting or Feeding the Masses

I just took some time to read a lot of my earlier blog posts and realized that I've lost my substance somewhere along the way. My intention for this blog is to be my reflections on my authentic journey through personal growth and unschooling. However, it seems I've gotten caught up in reporting (badly) what we've been DOing instead of what I've been BEing.

My nephews Zane (15) and Logan (14 in a few days) have been here since Thanksgiving - we brought them home with us. It's been wonderful to have them here, and as a bonus, Bekka's friend Sophie has been over almost every day. They will all puddle together just hanging out. I've mostly tried to just stay out of their way - I finished watching the entire West Wing since they've been here, and I was on season 3 when they arrived!

The challenge for me has been food, and I just want to vent about it a minute! I'm just not great at figuring out food for everyone all the time. My family fends more often than not - finding something to heat up from the fridge or the cupboard. My nephews just aren't used to finding themselves something to eat. I've been making lots of food so we have lots of leftovers around, but I don't really feed people. When I have gone over the options of things to grab, everyone's like, "yeah, yeah, we know". It's here, they can have it when they're hungry. The problem is they won't do that - they will take some bread and put it in the toaster. Their mom mentioned that they said they were sick of bread the last time they returned from our house - so I don't understand why they are still just eating bread when I have real, honest to goodness, just-as-easy-as-toast food available? The fruit is just left sitting on the counter unless I cut it up for them, the roasted veggies and salmon that they wanted still in the fridge. I know I could cut stuff up and heat stuff up for them and serve them, but whenever I ask if they're hungry they usually say, "no", so what's an aunt to do? (Yes, you unschooling readers know that I have just gone ahead and cut and heated - remember, I said I wanted to vent!)

Tonight I made dinner - a real dinner, spending about an hour and a half in the kitchen. I made everything from real, whole foods - no shortcuts. Beans from the bulk food section of the co-op, brown rice, and a broccoli cauliflower bake. Similar food to what their mom makes. Zane ate his in about three minutes, and I don't think Logan ever did eat. I heard them talking about toast and cereal about two hours after dinner with Logan. I know I don't need to worry about this - I just want it out on the record that I'm providing real food. The fact that they are choosing not to eat it is not my problem! The ole' "you can lead a horse to water..."

Oh - that broccoli cauliflower bake - THE BEST! Cut up the veggies and steam for about 10 minutes. Mix 1/2 cup of plain yogurt, 3/4 cup grated sharp cheddar, 1 teaspoon of stoneground mustard, salt and pepper. Stir into the veggies in a baking dish and top with bread crumbs. Bake at 375 until golden. Serves four.

Thanksgiving

On our way home from the Oireachtas in Phoenix we stopped by Nevada City to celebrate Thanksgiving in a beautiful handmade house. Steve's sister, Marie her husband, Royce and their three kids, Zane, Logan & Andria built their strawbale house over a period of five years. It's not entirely done yet, but it is certainly way cool!

Between Bekka and myself, we managed to get some great photos of the house and all the family this year, at least everyone who was there:

The house - well really two buildings. The one on the left is the active house with the kitchen and living area, and the one on the right is the quiet house for sleeping. The two are connected by a lovely tile patio with laundry and outdoor kitchen (covered up for the weather).

Through the garden is their first "house" on the property - a handmade house attached to a yurt that they rent out to some friends.

Andria

Logan

Zane

And another of Zane

Marie

Royce

Del (Grandpa)

Berta (Grandma)

Steffi - check out the black hair! She and Andria both dyed their hair black while we were at the Oireachtas.

Bekka (I love the chicken feather in her hair!)

Me - leaning against their gorgeous pantry wall

Steve

Kim & Vern (Steve's brother and his friend) standing in front of the shower which overlooks the valley

Steffi & Andria in the active house - Steffi is on the stairs with the pantry wall and dining area in the background. This shot gives a really good idea of the interior of the house.

The evening light hitting the kitchen wall - I couldn't resist!

Oireachtas 2008

Well, we made it through our first Oireachtas (which is the regional championships, Western Regionals in our case). It was great that Bekka was able to go and see it all, while only dancing the figure choreography. This enabled her to scope it out and see what she may be in for next year when she will, hopefully, be qualified to compete in the solo competition. I'll tell ya' what - three days of accordion music is a LOT of accordion music!

All our teams danced really, really well. Our under 15 Figure danced better than two of the other teams they competed against, even though those two teams placed higher than they did. Our over 15 Figure (Bekka's team) did not place (missed by one), but also danced better than they placed. The music and choreography for our teams was so great - so full of energy - that many of the other teachers commented. The teams are excited to take it to Worlds in April in Philadelphia!

Sock On (her head)

Hair Up

Wigged

Ready to Dance

2008 An Daire Over 15 Oireachtas Figure Choreography Team (for the record, the teacher on the far left is not wearing a wig - she is an Irish Goddess and that is her real hair!)

A Visit, a Feis, Grades, Kittens, and a Root Canal

It's been busy and I had intended to write this up a while ago - now I'm hardly remembering what was so exciting!

Portland is an hour and a half north of us. We've been driving up there a LOT! And it's all good.

Back on Oct. 22 Steffi and I bopped up to Portland to pick up her friend from L&L. We had gone all the way to North Caroline to meet a girl from Washington State! Olivia and Steffi spent a good deal of the conference together - attracted by their mutual love of singing. Olivia's mom, Beth comes down to Portland about once a month, so we decided that Olivia would come to Corvallis for a good visit. I feel especially honored by the fact that Olivia has never gone off on her own overnight without one of her adults.

The girls had the whole visit planned out - including watching High School Musical 3 on opening day. We threw in a trip to the Haunted Corn Maize and gave that a good shot, but only made it to the first scary guy before turning around and heading to the car. The owner practically chased us down to give us our money back and we enjoyed Gelato instead. Olivia was so sweet to let me know how comfortable she was, staying with us - I think she really liked spending time with another consensual living family. Her dad is also a parenting coach - you may have heard of him - Scott Noelle.

On Saturday, Oct. 25 we all headed back up to Portland for Feile Samhain - the Feis our Irish Dance School hosts. This was SO MUCH FUN! While there were many technical and logistical problems with the Feis, there is such a party atmosphere. There were three costume reels - 16 bars of anything goes. The musician was amazing during the one we watched - adapting the music to the costumes (like playing the Snow White theme music when Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs came on). Even the judges were in costume the whole weekend, which I'm sure helps the kids feel more comfortable. In addition to all the fun, Bekka moved her Treble Jig up to Prize Winner!

The day after the Feis, Bekka took 6 of her Grades exams in Irish Dance. Dr. John Cullinane (go ahead and click on it - it's quite a treat!) from County Cork was the adjudicator for the grades - it was great to see him dance in person - and he was so personable. It gave us a whole 'nother view of judges. Bekka passed grades one through six (half of all the grades).

During grades Steve and Steffi called to see if we could foster a litter of orange kittens. They are so adorable. Five orange tabbies. We named them Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Minnie, and Moe because we can't really tell them apart!

Back in mid October I got a cold. Yuck - but it was short lived with my super-duper cold treatment of Head Cold Relief (a homeopathic remedy), Emergen-C, extreme rest (doing almost nothing for a couple of days), and my Neti Pot. Oh, and no sweets - which, for those who know me know that that is extreme in itself. This is the second year in a row that I managed to rid myself of a cold in four (yes, four) days! As soon as my cold went away, my tooth started to ache. It started out small and ended up keeping me from sleeping three nights in a row. I ended up pretty desperate at 2:30am - I tried ground cloves (I didn't have clove oil), peppermint oil, salt water rinses, hydrogen peroxide rinses, clove oil the second night (don't EVER put clove oil on your gums - it eats them up - it's horrible!!!). My tooth was sensitive to cold, so I was really averse to using an ice pack, but after nothing else would work, I finally tried it and it was almost heaven on earth! I ended up sleeping on an ice pack, then spending an entire day attached to an ice pack, then sleeping with it for another night.

After four days of Penicillin, it was MUCH better just in time to spend the night with my friend Dominique up in Vancouver so Bekka could take the grades prep workshop. The day after grades I had a root canal - it is a MIRACLE treatment - I tell ya! Don't let anyone tell you root canals are horrible - I couldn't believe how great it was! I am completely pain-free.

So there you have it, our end of October excitement.