Awareness

Today I am grateful for being aware of the beauty around me. I went on a hike with some friends and was astounded by the beauty of Autumn.

Commitment

Today I am grateful that I make the commitment to connect with my GUTS sisters every month and dig deeper inside alongside these wonderful women.

GUTS Challenge - Self Gratitude

On our GUTS call this month, we were given the challenge to write something about ourselves that we are grateful for each day of November. Not something external like a roof over my head or anything like that. Something about ourselves we are grateful for.

If you are willing, play along! You'll be glad you did!

How Mission and Network Marketing Can Reshape a Bio

Looking over my blog this morning and I realized that my Bio from just last February is not really who I am anymore. This really surprises me. I mean, yes, I do work continually on improving myself, but this feels like a bigger leap than usual.

There are two things that I feel have made the biggest impact for changing who I am recently. First was to come up with and declare my mission. And the second, I've gotten back into network marketing after a fairly long hiatus. I also believe that I wouldn't have done the later without the former!

By clarifying my mission, I was able to begin relying more on my intuition - my heart's voice. This makes every decision so much easier! I have a compass for everything I choose to do, and it is simple and true to who I am becoming. I usually over-research everything, but since writing my mission, I've been making decisions so readily, and my life is moving in a true direction very rapidly.

When I learned about doTERRA Essential Oils over Memorial Day Weekend, I saw something that had great potential to help people heal, I felt that it was what I need to be involved in and I went for it! It has been the best whirl-wind of excitement ever since. I'm learning that when I align with my values, things are SO much easier!

And as I help my new team develop their businesses, I'm reminded of all the amazing personal growth that comes with truly working a network marketing business (rather than just being signed up). I'm meeting wonderful, loving people I wouldn't have met otherwise, and all our lives are blessed because of it.

So here is a stab at a new Bio - I didn't change it completely, as I haven't completely changed, but I feel this reflects more who I am now:

I value gratitude, authenticity, integrity, intention, love, joy, wisdom, sustainable abundance, acceptance, growth, respect, compassion, serenity, meaningful work, and finding the spiritual in the everyday. Service is my primary love language. I am a quiet extrovert who thrives when around other people and is learning to speak up and ask more questions. I rely on my intuition and my values when making decisions. My roles include mom, healer, friend, and volunteer. I have a passion for helping people heal themselves in all aspects of their lives: physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and financially.

I invite you to examine your bio and see how you've changed. I'd love to hear your feedback!

To Live with Gratitude and Authenticity

What does living a life of gratitude mean to me?
Being present and truly seeing what is around me – the beauty, the grace, the great and the small miracles that surround us all. Using all resources wisely, my energy, the energy of those around me, money, tools, time, materials… Seeing and appreciating the abundance that surrounds us all. Being in awe!

What does living a life of authenticity mean to me?
Being a woman of my word and living a life of integrity and intention. Being true to myself and living with no regrets. Speaking up when I need to with clarity and honesty. And always aligning with all my values.

My values:

• Gratitude
  
• Authenticity
  
• Integrity
  
• Intention
  
• Love
  
• Joy
  
• Wisdom
  
• Sustainable Abundance
  
• Acceptance
  
• Growth
  
• Respect
  
• Compassion
  
• Serenity
  
• Meaningful Work
  
• Spiritual in the Everyday

Writing Our Mission

For the past month or so, our writing group has been working on our values using various tools. Anyone who has really delved into this process knows that it really is quite a process – not something that can be done quickly. We used a combination of thinking about lists of values alone and sharing our thoughts with the group. There have been three or four group meetings spent talking about the meanings of specific words – dictionaries and thesauruses consulted and personal interpretations shared.

Yesterday, feeling extremely far from any kind of completion, one of the group members and I worked on my personal mission statement. At this point, I had about thirty values noted and couldn’t see narrowing them down to less than about ten! I was doing better with verbs – I quickly (yeah, I think THAT may be a key to this process) eliminated all but eight: appreciate, grow, heal, inspire, love, respect, support, and value.

I decided to transfer values to where I had written the verbs and came up with: authenticity, integrity, joy, wisdom, intention, sustainability, abundance, acceptance, and gratitude (I liked it better as a value than as a verb).

Playing around with these words we came up with several statements and ideas:
To radiate love through authenticity, healing and joy.
Sustainable abundance
Heartened healing
To inspire growth, respect, and sustainability.
To help others heal and find their authentic selves.
Finding gratitude
To live a life of gratitude to be able to be present to the wonder (needing a better word here) of all around me.

Then we came up with this: to live a life of gratitude and authenticity. WOW! This is me, this is what I want to be about. This is what will guide my choices.

Sometimes we make things too complicated. Sometimes there truly is beauty in simplicity.

Writing about Motherhood

Oh dear, I'm already running behind - I'm just not the most regular blogger around...

Our weekly writing group meetings are turning into every other week meetings. What can you expect with six busy moms?

At our last meeting we thought it would be interesting to tackle the ever so tiny topic of motherhood. If you've been reading along, you will already know that we don't have a lot of direction or guidance in our topics.

And if you are playing along at home, I promise I will look for pending comments and approve them!!! (Thanks Starcat for the comments, the posts, and the realization that I needed to do something about my comments!)

My apologies to those who have been trying to comment...

Ha! I just found out that I don't get an email notification when there are pending comments! I set comments to moderation after receiving some spammish comments a while ago and the comments have just been piling up ever since!


So sorry to those of you who have commented - I just approved them all...

Contentment

Contentment seems to be one of those words that people either consider positive or they give it a negative connotation. It reminds me of complacency in that regard. Complacency has a negative connotation for many people and yet, when I look at the definition, contented self-satisfaction, I see it as a very positive place to be. I’d like to think that the same people who see complacency in a negative light also see contentment in that same negative light, since they are so closely related. I, however, am not one of those people.

It’s always nice to go back to the definition of a word to see if it means what we think it means. Today we generally define content, as in contentment, as mentally or emotionally satisfied with things as they are. The original meaning of contentment is having restrained desires. The contented person’s desires are bound by what he or she already has. This closely relates to the noun, content, the idea of the boundaries, the container, or content of contentment.

One of our writing group members suggested watching a TED Talk by Dan Gilbert on happiness. I was really struck by how his research supports the original definition of contentment. Dan talks about how much happier people are with their choices when they think they are stuck with them. According to Dan, we have a psychological immune system that works best when we are stuck. It allows us to become content with how things are and it actually changes our preferences to match what we already have. This is SO cool! As Socrates said, “Contentment is natural wealth, luxury is artificial poverty.” Our psychological immune system keeps us rich.

Also in my inbox this week was: Having the life you want by being present to the life you have (The Book of Awakening by Mark Nepo). I really like this idea, that we can have the life we want if only we are present to what we have. You have to notice. You have to be able to step out of yourself and see the greatness in your situation, no matter how bad that situation may seem at the time. There is a smoothness to contentment – an attitude of “things going my way” about it. In order to feel that flow, you have to be open to it, just as a faucet needs to be open for the water to flow.

As with most things, contentment is a balance. It is a balance between making things happen and enjoying what is. After our writing group chose to write about contentment last week, the happiness theme seemed to keep popping up all around me, helping me to really examine what it is about contentment that appeals to me so much. Now, it isn’t surprising for me to encounter a happiness theme in my surroundings, as I’ve done quite a lot to make that so all the time, but it did seem more concentrated since our exercise was decided upon.

In Oprah’s weekly Spirit Newletter, which I often just delete without reading came “5 Things Happy People Do” written by Gabrielle LeBlanc. In this article Gabrielle’s findings can be summarized as follows – happy people:

find and fulfill their sense of purpose in life
design their life to bring joy
keep life fresh to avoid the “if only” resentment
put close friends first
and are open to being happy

I don’t think happiness and contentment are interchangeable, but I do think that Gabrielle is speaking more on contentment than on happiness. When I combine what Gabrielle is saying with what Dan is saying, I totally get it! To be content with my life, I need to find and fulfill my sense of purpose, design my life to bring me joy, keep it fresh and interesting, hang with my buds, be open to being happy, and then what I have I will be truly satisfied with!

Writing on Contentment

As we were talking about our Bucket Lists this week, two words came up as words that mean such different things to different people: serenity and contentment. We thought it would be fun and interesting to write about contentment.

We decided to watch a TED talk on contentment before tackling our writing exercise. I'm really looking forward to this one, much more so than the Bucket List (which I really thought I wanted to do, but found much more challenging than I expected).

I'm interested to learn what you think of contentment. Does this word have a positive or negative connotation to you?

Writing Your Bucket List

Our writing assignment this week is to write our bucket list. You can make is as long or short as you wish. What do YOU want to do???

Writing Your Bio

I'm just starting a women's writing group and want to share our writing exercises here each week so that anyone can play along at home.

Today was our first meeting and we watched Brene' Brown's inspiring TED talk on vulnerability and agreed to each write a 100 word autobiography to share with each other.

Here is mine:

I am a humanist who values joy, connection, growth, respect, comfort, honesty, and authenticity. Service is my primary love language. I am a quiet extrovert who thrives when around other people, but is often shy and usually chooses to come off aloof rather than pry. I usually think too much and over-plan things. I am a procrastinating perfectionist in many of my pursuits. My roles include mom, healer, friend, and volunteer. I am usually concerned about doing the right thing and am trying hard to be more compassionate in my life, but often find my judgments getting in my way.

If anyone would like to share theirs in the comments, I'd love to read them.

Raw Nut Spread

This is just because I keep needing to look this up, and want it in a convenient spot. It is very yummy spread on collards with lots of very thinly sliced veggies and some avocado rolled inside.

1C raw cashews soaked in filtered water, keep some of the water
juice of one lemon
1-2 cloves garlic chopped
shredded ginger
olive oil
chopped green onion
Himalayan salt
TJs everyday seasoning

Blend it all until smooth.

Develop

Now is when so many around the world are making their New Year's Resolutions. A few years ago I read about a better way. This is the blog post that inspired me to choose a word for the year, and I have done just that each year and it is amazing how much more powerful this is.

This year my word is "Develop". I never know at the beginning of the year just how much of an impact my word will have, but I always have an idea of where I want to start with it. This year, I want to develop deeper friendships and perhaps completely new friendships, realizing that I'm not feeling like I fit in with most of the people I've known here in Corvallis. I also want desperately to develop my website for my new healing business as well as develop the business itself and develop my skills as a healer.

I also am already taking steps to develop myself as a writer, and am looking forward to sharing some of that here as I go.

Do you have a word for the year? I'd love for you to share your word and maybe a bit about what it means to you in the comments.

Pushing, Controlling, Guiding, Trusting

I’m the sort to try to force things – to just KNOW what is best and work really hard to make everything come out that way so much of the time, by pushing and controlling. I tend to get all tied up in what is happening and how it should be handled and I get stressed when it isn’t going the way I think it should go.

Well, this morning I was watching one of those sappy Christmas movies called “The Good Witch’s Gift” and had an epiphany. As I was watching this good witch weave her magic, I realized that it is so much more powerful to guide and trust. The way this charming character would practice her magic is, she would listen to her intuition (I’ve gotten very good at that!) then give people tiny little suggestions, usually in the form of a compliment. Then she would let them take it from there – trusting even the people no one else trusts. This, along with a strong, unwavering belief that everything will work out for the best. There was such a powerful peacefulness and pure joy in seeing people follow through on their best intentions that were so gently nudged.

Friendly Skies?

Is anyone else finding this all incredibly hard to believe? I'm referring to the new TSA airport security screening procedures.

So, from what I can gather, they have recently installed x-ray based "Backscatter" screening equipment in many airports around the country that will display an image of your naked body to someone somewhere (and give you a dose of radiation at the same time). If you refuse to be x-rayed at the airport, then they will subject you to a new pat down technique that many have likened to groping (although to be fair, a friend who flew in the last couple of weeks and was subjected to the new pat down said it was no big deal and nothing like being groped, but she's a mom of 3, not a 16 year old girl with body issues or a sexual assault victim).

I've been thinking that we were going about airport security all wrong ever since the airports reopened after 9/11. We seem to be looking for the thing the terrorist just tried instead of truly trying to prevent the next new thing. But this has now officially gone into the realm of truly crazy. Not only do these new "security measures" seem to be unconstitutional, they just don't make sense! Why are we spending so much money and time trying to make sure grandma doesn't bring more than her allotment of liquids onto the plane?

From this article written back in August of 2006, we have a 1 in 6,500 chance of dying in an auto accident and only a 1 in 400,000 chance of dying in an airplane accident on an annual basis. Even if terrorist were successful in taking down a plane every week, your chance of dying in such an event is only 1 in 135,000.

Then there is the issue of screening pilots. One of the major pilots unions has refused, but I gather TSA isn't very happy about that. But really, why would we be scanning the person flying the airplane for a box cutter or explosives? Wouldn't the pilot, if he or she were determined to take the plane down just take it down? Drug screening I can totally get behind but backscatter or pat downs, just doesn't make any sense.

I do believe that the only ones winning in this game are the terrorists! They do indeed have most of the country terrorized. It is all just so irrational!

Sharing Myself

I got a facebook friend request from someone I don't know and have never heard of today. I know that isn't news. I don't usually accept these requests and I often message them back asking how I know them. Unlike most, they have a link to their fabulous blog on their profile page. And as blog reading often does, lead me to yet another blog where I read this:

"It seems we never know the ones we love completely. Even though we struggle to do so. In the end, perhaps the best we can do, is to love them completely without that knowing. For years I've tried to bridge the gap with my loved ones by writing in my blog about who I am. By being open and honest about how I think and feel. It did not work!

Though my own goal is to know myself completely and share that knowing with others, my loved ones do not feel the same. What a tragedy! But that is how things are. Even so, I cannot give up on them. I must keep trying.

This really resonated with me.

If you've been following my blog, you know that I haven't been writing much here. But I feel the need building up as I start to read other blogs again. It was my experience that the blogs I really like to read that get into feelings, values, and personal growth are written by women and that men tended to stick with technology and business and stuff like that. I say was because in the last week, I've run into the most profound blogs written by men. One is Single Dad Laughing (and if you haven't found it already, then I'm guessing you aren't on facebook, because his posts have been shared more than any blog I've ever seen) and the second is where I found the above quote.

Both blogs are values based, and both bloggers post daily. They are both honest about themselves with their readers. I would love to develop the courage to follow their lead. To write about what comes up with honesty (not that I don't already, but I usually choose not to write at all instead of sharing the less than wonderful).

As I move into a new phase of life, with kids growing up and not really wanting me to be as involved in their lives as I have been, I feel drawn to write more about developing my authenticity. To write more about the process and the reactions. We'll see if I truly can revive the ol' blog!

Is College Worth the Cost?

I just ran across this article, and it seems so much more timely for me now than it did when I saw it several years ago. You see, Bekka is now 18 and she isn't convinced that college is the place for her right now. I'm not convinced either.

She doesn't know what she wants to do - very few 18 year olds really do. For that matter, how many 30, 40, 50... year olds really do either? But is college really that great of a place to figure that out?

I spent 4 years in college, and, while I did come out with a reasonably lucrative career (accounting), it turned out that that wasn't what I wanted to do. I did do it for five years, but I'm pretty sure the cost of four years in college was definitely NOT worth it for my five-year career!

My dad had told us that as long as we graduated from college, he would be there to help us if we ever needed it financially. However, if we didn't graduate from college we were on our own. Besides, everyone I knew was going to college right after high school. It was what you did. You didn't really think about it, you just went. Only losers who worked at K-mart didn't go to school, right?

In general, the smart, ambitious kids went to college - but what if they didn't? What if they went out and traveled the world, started businesses, etc. as James Altucher is suggesting.

Bekka is certainly smart and ambitious - why shouldn't she travel the world, learn about people and more importantly, learn more about herself and how she fits into the world?

I'm THAT Mom

An impromptu blog carnival inspired by Flo.

Most traditional parents, when they hear about unschooling, they think that we are a bunch of neglectful, indulgent parents. Because the media doesn't try to portray the involvement and the connection of the parenting, people just don't get it. What others see as indulgent or neglectful, we see as supporting and trusting.

I'm that mom whose kids don't ask me if their friends can sleep over because it is their house just as much as it is mine, and while I usually ask THEM if it would be convenient for me to have friends over, I don't want them to feel like they need my permission to entertain their friends in their home, even while it is still also my home.

I'm that mom who won't go in my kids' room without their permission, and I'm that mom who has no expectation about the condition in which they keep their rooms.

I'm that mom who takes care of dirty dishes when I see them - who supports my daughter's cooking by trying to keep the kitchen clean enough so that she can easily cook again when she wants to.

Of course I'm that mom who trusts her kids to sleep when they need to and eat what and when they need to, and really, to do what they need to do when they need to do it.

I'm that mom who doesn't have expectations of my kids. Expectations that they need to strive to achieve or fail to meet.

But here's the deal, fellow unschoolers:
I'm also that mom who doesn't have a close relationship with my 18 year old daughter, and continues to hold the space for her to connect with me when SHE wants to. I maintain an open, joyful heart for her for when she wants to be closer. I know that she is doing what she needs to do just as she's always done and I completely trust her and her process. I'm that mom who respects her request to not ask her questions and stay out of her business, no matter how badly I want to be closer. I'm that mom who doesn't go to her dance competitions because she is more comfortable with just her dad there.

And I'm that mom who is trying her hardest to be completely supportive of my 14 year old daughter and her desire to be normal and go to school. The mom who is learning to be excited along with her as she is SO excited to start high school in a few weeks. I'm that mom who holds the space for her to come home any minute, that tells her that there is nothing she has to finish with regard to school, with regard to anything - she is in complete control of how much or how little she wants to partake of her experiences.

I'm that mom - the mom who signed my daughter up for NBTSC for the half she wanted to sign up for, then called and emailed to sign her up for the other half she wanted to add, then cancelled her registration when she no longer wanted to go, without worrying about the non-refundable $100 deposit, even though everyone else thought she should go, including her sister. I'm the mom who told her it was really okay for her to decide that back to school shopping and freshman orientation is more important to her than camp.

Yeah, I'm THAT mom.

Re-entry into the real world has been a little hurried!

In doing some blog attention (yeah - it's been a while!), I found this post in my drafts that I had started way back in Sept. of '08. Since I really "got nothin" new for anyone, and I enjoyed rereading this account of getting thrown back into the real world after an unschooling conference, I thought I'd go ahead and post it. I'm sure I originally was going to add more (hence the draft status), but more than a year and a half later, I have no idea what it might have been.

The magic of the L&L conference is very strong and hard to describe. The best I can do is mention the energy that propels us back into the real world.

This time, the real world met us quickly in the Atlanta airport. I've never felt that I'm great with other peoples' kids. I love hanging out with and talking with my own kids, but I've always felt uncomfortable with other kids. So it was quite surprising when, while waiting for our plane to Seattle that I would strike up a conversation with the kids sitting near us. After being at L&L for a week, I was just used to talking with anyone and the people nearest me at the airport were kids. So imagine this scene: A 12 year old boy sitting across from me - I ask him if he's going to Seattle or is that just a stop on his way to elsewhere. He starts to answer me, then seems to remember that he's not supposed to talk to strangers. It took me a minute to remember that people actually tell their kids not to talk to strangers!! I smile knowingly at him and ask his mom the same question.

He was the oldest of four kids with a mom who really didn't seem to like any of them very much or think very much of them. The boy had an electronic game to play, and the mom brought coloring book pages and a package of 24 crayons for the four of them that she doled out one at a time for a 4 year old, an 8 year old, an 11 year old and the 12 year old. The crayon box was one of those super cool ones with the sharpener and when the 4 year old started to sharpen one of her new crayons, the mom sharply said, "Don't do that, you're ruining it!" I couldn't help myself and had to ask, "Isn't that what it's for?" Hello! What a stupid thing to ruin your relationship with your kid over - sharpening a crayon with a crayon sharpener!

The 11 year old borrowed Steffi's DS and while she was playing it, the 8 year old started saying that she wanted to play a game. So I asked her if she liked to play tic-tac-toe. No? Okay, well, I have a puzzle book - "Have you ever done a Word Search?" (I know, I know, it's not the most exciting game in the world, but I wasn't exactly prepared to entertain an 8 year old!!) When she said she hadn't, I pulled one out and started to show her how it works. The mom says, "Oh that's way too hard for her, she'll never be able to do that." Totally ignoring the mom, I continue to show her bright daughter how to search for words on a grid. I could tell she was thinking it wasn't the most exciting game in the world, so we moved on to rock, paper, scissors. Now, I don't play rock, paper, scissors like most people do. To make it more fun, you have to get up and do this crazy thing with your feet and try to maintain your balance. She loved it and so did her little sister. We had a good time until they had to check on their seats.

What was really hard, sad, strange, was that these four kids were traveling with their mom and two (youngish) grandparents, and all three adults were totally ignoring these lovely kids except to point out something they were (supposedly) doing wrong! It was just such an abrupt change from being surrounded by wonderful, supported, loved children and their supportive, loving parents and grandparents to be thrown into the ugliness of the real world and traditional parenting.