Letting Go

I had such a strange day yesterday. Very emotionally exhausting. So last night I wasn't really in the mood to read the book I'm trying to start. But as I was going to bed I noticed a completely neglected book on my shelf, one which I've never even cracked the cover. I bought it at a used bookstore five or six years ago (which means I've moved it three times!). It's called "Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much". When I bought it I was helping to start a PPP, leader of two Girl Scout Troops, active in my UU church, involved in the Scottish Country Dance group, and about ten other things. I was definitely doing too much. And of course, didn't have the time to use the book at that time!

Well, I've made lots of changes in my life and the title is really not all that applicable anymore, but it is the only meditation book I own and that part of it was really appealing last night.

So I turn to the page for the day and it is titled, "Letting Go". It starts with a quote from Anne Wilson Schaef. "When I am all hassled about something, I always stop and ask myself what difference it will make in the evolution of the human species in the next ten million years, and that question always helps me get back my perspective."

Because it was so appropriate for my day yesterday, I'm going to type out the entire offering:

"Little things mean a lot," especially when we focus all our attention on them, obsess and ruminate about them, and can't let them go. Sometimes, when we are in our disease, we just keep turning disturbing thoughts over and over in our minds, believing that we will surely figure out some solutions if we just think about them long enough and check every angle.
When we engage in this behavior, it is a sure sign that we are in the addictive process and thinking ourselves to death. I have always found that when I am in my addictive process, I have lost perspective. I suddenly become the center of the universe, and my problems are the only ones in the universe.
It always helps me to step back and realize that whatever problem I am having is probably not of universal proportions. This perspective helps me to see that I am powerless over my crazy thinking, and that it is making my life insane. At this point can get back in touch with my knowing that a power greater than myself can restore me to sanity, and I can turn this problem over to this greater power.

The end quote (not credited) is: "One of the things we lose in the addictive disease process is perspective."

So, what does this mean to me in light of what yesterday was?

Last fall I had a problem with a new homeschooling mom and it totally shook me up, for over a week!!! Yikes! Looking back there are two things I can see that caused me to let myself spiral. One was that there was an element of truth in what she accused me of. No, I didn't yell at her daughter, nor did I purposefully disrespect her or her daughters, but I wasn't as kind to her daughter as I wish I had been. And second was that she didn't accept my heartfelt apology. That really left me hanging and spinning, and doubting myself.

This time it is a very different situation, and my conscience is completely clear. I actually feel light and clear.

So the meditation reminds me that I am not obsessing like I did in the fall and that I've come so far. Yea! That I am able to let go and live in the NOW, not in the past.

There are good, exciting things to come!