Someone on my Consensual-Living yahoo group just shared a link to A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life, With 7 Practices. I just find it so interesting how the universe works when you are open to the possibilities! This is exactly what I needed to read this morning.
There’s been some very strange stuff going on in my world that I’ve been alluding to here in my blog, and up until the last couple of days, I’ve been successful in staying in a space of compassion for the person who has been trying to shut me and my daughter out of the unschooling community. This has helped me to stay light and calm throughout this experience. But recently, I’ve slipped into a mindset of being frustrated and angry (probably because of how these events are affecting my daughter – it’s really hard to be compassionate to everyone and to help guide my daughter through this maze of injustice and help her let go of the hurt – be there with her as she learns her life lessons and help her come out the other side proud of her actions and who she is).
I do not want to live my life frustrated and angry. I want to live my life in the light of love, compassion, and connection because it just really feels so much better here!
The part of the seven practices that really speaks to me today is #6: “Those who mistreat us practice. The final stage in these compassion practices is to not only want to ease the suffering of those we love and meet, but even those who mistreat us. When we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you. Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine what that person was taught as a child. Try to imagine the day or week that person was going through, and what kind of bad things had happened to that person. Try to imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. And understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Now think some more about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person. Once you have mastered this practice of reflection, try acting with compassion and understanding the next time a person mistreats you. Do it in little doses, until you are good at it. Practice makes perfect.”
As I read through this I realize that this is what I’ve been doing all along and this must be why I’ve been able to feel the way I do about the situation. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what has happened in this person’s life to cause her to do what she has done, but through this exercise I don’t need to. I only need to imagine what might have been for her and to continue to have empathy for her, which will lead to maintaining my compassion for her. And, I think this is my last step, to accept that she will probably never have empathy for my daughter and will never be able to see what my daughter risked for her friend.
I’ve learned so many things about mothers/daughters, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, respect, etc. through this whole process. I don’t feel like I’m quite done examining all of this yet, but blogging about it is such an amazing way of examining how I’m really feeling and who I want to be and how I want to live my life.
To me, living an authentic life means living the way I want to live, not putting a front out for everyone to see and then doing things that don’t match up to the ideals I say I hold. It takes a lot of practice, but I must say, this experience has really helped me to clarify who I am, what I stand for, and how I live my life. I’m still not perfect, and I don’t really think people are meant to be, but I am proud of who I am and the choices I’m making.
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