Thanksgiving

On our way home from the Oireachtas in Phoenix we stopped by Nevada City to celebrate Thanksgiving in a beautiful handmade house. Steve's sister, Marie her husband, Royce and their three kids, Zane, Logan & Andria built their strawbale house over a period of five years. It's not entirely done yet, but it is certainly way cool!

Between Bekka and myself, we managed to get some great photos of the house and all the family this year, at least everyone who was there:

The house - well really two buildings. The one on the left is the active house with the kitchen and living area, and the one on the right is the quiet house for sleeping. The two are connected by a lovely tile patio with laundry and outdoor kitchen (covered up for the weather).

Through the garden is their first "house" on the property - a handmade house attached to a yurt that they rent out to some friends.

Andria

Logan

Zane

And another of Zane

Marie

Royce

Del (Grandpa)

Berta (Grandma)

Steffi - check out the black hair! She and Andria both dyed their hair black while we were at the Oireachtas.

Bekka (I love the chicken feather in her hair!)

Me - leaning against their gorgeous pantry wall

Steve

Kim & Vern (Steve's brother and his friend) standing in front of the shower which overlooks the valley

Steffi & Andria in the active house - Steffi is on the stairs with the pantry wall and dining area in the background. This shot gives a really good idea of the interior of the house.

The evening light hitting the kitchen wall - I couldn't resist!

Oireachtas 2008

Well, we made it through our first Oireachtas (which is the regional championships, Western Regionals in our case). It was great that Bekka was able to go and see it all, while only dancing the figure choreography. This enabled her to scope it out and see what she may be in for next year when she will, hopefully, be qualified to compete in the solo competition. I'll tell ya' what - three days of accordion music is a LOT of accordion music!

All our teams danced really, really well. Our under 15 Figure danced better than two of the other teams they competed against, even though those two teams placed higher than they did. Our over 15 Figure (Bekka's team) did not place (missed by one), but also danced better than they placed. The music and choreography for our teams was so great - so full of energy - that many of the other teachers commented. The teams are excited to take it to Worlds in April in Philadelphia!

Sock On (her head)

Hair Up

Wigged

Ready to Dance

2008 An Daire Over 15 Oireachtas Figure Choreography Team (for the record, the teacher on the far left is not wearing a wig - she is an Irish Goddess and that is her real hair!)

A Visit, a Feis, Grades, Kittens, and a Root Canal

It's been busy and I had intended to write this up a while ago - now I'm hardly remembering what was so exciting!

Portland is an hour and a half north of us. We've been driving up there a LOT! And it's all good.

Back on Oct. 22 Steffi and I bopped up to Portland to pick up her friend from L&L. We had gone all the way to North Caroline to meet a girl from Washington State! Olivia and Steffi spent a good deal of the conference together - attracted by their mutual love of singing. Olivia's mom, Beth comes down to Portland about once a month, so we decided that Olivia would come to Corvallis for a good visit. I feel especially honored by the fact that Olivia has never gone off on her own overnight without one of her adults.

The girls had the whole visit planned out - including watching High School Musical 3 on opening day. We threw in a trip to the Haunted Corn Maize and gave that a good shot, but only made it to the first scary guy before turning around and heading to the car. The owner practically chased us down to give us our money back and we enjoyed Gelato instead. Olivia was so sweet to let me know how comfortable she was, staying with us - I think she really liked spending time with another consensual living family. Her dad is also a parenting coach - you may have heard of him - Scott Noelle.

On Saturday, Oct. 25 we all headed back up to Portland for Feile Samhain - the Feis our Irish Dance School hosts. This was SO MUCH FUN! While there were many technical and logistical problems with the Feis, there is such a party atmosphere. There were three costume reels - 16 bars of anything goes. The musician was amazing during the one we watched - adapting the music to the costumes (like playing the Snow White theme music when Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs came on). Even the judges were in costume the whole weekend, which I'm sure helps the kids feel more comfortable. In addition to all the fun, Bekka moved her Treble Jig up to Prize Winner!

The day after the Feis, Bekka took 6 of her Grades exams in Irish Dance. Dr. John Cullinane (go ahead and click on it - it's quite a treat!) from County Cork was the adjudicator for the grades - it was great to see him dance in person - and he was so personable. It gave us a whole 'nother view of judges. Bekka passed grades one through six (half of all the grades).

During grades Steve and Steffi called to see if we could foster a litter of orange kittens. They are so adorable. Five orange tabbies. We named them Eenie, Meanie, Miney, Minnie, and Moe because we can't really tell them apart!

Back in mid October I got a cold. Yuck - but it was short lived with my super-duper cold treatment of Head Cold Relief (a homeopathic remedy), Emergen-C, extreme rest (doing almost nothing for a couple of days), and my Neti Pot. Oh, and no sweets - which, for those who know me know that that is extreme in itself. This is the second year in a row that I managed to rid myself of a cold in four (yes, four) days! As soon as my cold went away, my tooth started to ache. It started out small and ended up keeping me from sleeping three nights in a row. I ended up pretty desperate at 2:30am - I tried ground cloves (I didn't have clove oil), peppermint oil, salt water rinses, hydrogen peroxide rinses, clove oil the second night (don't EVER put clove oil on your gums - it eats them up - it's horrible!!!). My tooth was sensitive to cold, so I was really averse to using an ice pack, but after nothing else would work, I finally tried it and it was almost heaven on earth! I ended up sleeping on an ice pack, then spending an entire day attached to an ice pack, then sleeping with it for another night.

After four days of Penicillin, it was MUCH better just in time to spend the night with my friend Dominique up in Vancouver so Bekka could take the grades prep workshop. The day after grades I had a root canal - it is a MIRACLE treatment - I tell ya! Don't let anyone tell you root canals are horrible - I couldn't believe how great it was! I am completely pain-free.

So there you have it, our end of October excitement.

30 Days to Peaceful Partnership

From Beth Fuller at Peaceful Partnerships (an amended version of a challenge Maisha issued last night):

1) Treat your partner with respect, kindness, compassion, and love. Assume that their issues are not about you, but are instead about their own pain.

2) Greet them and speak to them as though they are the most wonderful person on Earth (because they are). If you are able, recharge your sex life.

3) Say absolutely nothing negative about them for 30 days. Find your own way of keeping track all of the positive things that they do each day. If you feel a negative criticism going on, perhaps you could try writing it down. After the 30 days, review the positive things and release the negative ones.

4) Offer them lots of love in their own primary love language. For good measure, offer them an abundance of ALL the love languages.

5) If your partner rages or retreats be compassionate and offer them what they need-- a hug, for you to be a mountain (quiet, strong, present with him), etc. Just hold them in your heart even if they do not melt.

Voting in Oregon

The state of Oregon uses a 100% Vote by Mail system. We do not have polling stations at all. What happens is two weeks before the election we receive our ballot in the mail.

Personally I love this (although I do miss serving as a poll worker and experiencing the party atmosphere of a polling station). It takes me a lot of time to vote, so I love going through my ballot one item at a time and doing the research I need to do to make a decision as I go.

Since this is a Presidential election year, there are more measures on the ballot than usual - everyone wants to get their issue in front of a bunch of voters who will just pick yes or no without really caring. A lot of our measures are poorly written, somewhat ambiguous measures placed on the ballot by a guy named Skidmore. I figure it will take me a couple more days to finish filling out my ballot and get it dropped in the ballot box.

Displays of Responsibility

For all you unschoolers out there, this will be no big deal, but for any who question how unschooling could ever work, I give you yet another example:

I'm sick - I didn't get the post conference cold until the other day, so it's not really a post conference cold, except that it is, well, post conference. Yesterday was the day I was hit hardest - didn't change out of my PJs and really had NO energy. I was up with a nose that wouldn't stop running until 2:30am and was just a bit miserable.

Bekka took it upon herself to clean up the kitchen, take my dirty dishes to the kitchen for me, run the dishwasher, empty the dishwasher, etc. all day. It was SO NICE! I felt so cared for and loved.

Saturdays are her marathon dancing days in Portland. Her ride comes for her before 7:30 am! (We are NOT morning people - well, Steve is, but the rest of us are NOT!) Last night I checked in with her to see if she needed me to wake her and help her get off in the morning (she has always wanted me to) and she said she had it covered. She set out breakfast, got all her stuff gathered (did her laundry) and as I lay in bed this morning I noticed that she was actually ready early (a first).

So, for anyone who thinks kids have to have 12 to 16 years of practice getting up early every morning so they can get up for a job - Phewy! It's just not true - they do it when it's important to THEM!

Oh, BTW - she placed in all of her dances at the Portland Feis last weekend - this was great considering this was her first Feis dancing Novice. And some of the team members performed at the Thirsty Lion and put on a fantastic show!

A Better Explanation

Have you heard the concept of the Law of Attraction (LoA)and feel that it's just too out there? Too steeped in magic, voodoo, new age weirdness?

The basic idea of LoA is that what you think is what you get (kind of). The popular book, "Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires" by Esther and Jerry Hicks is just one of the many books out there about this concept. The movie "The Secret" is just more of the same. The basic idea is a good one - a kind of be careful what you wish for and that our mind is a powerful tool, but all the LoA gurus out there seem to be focusing too much on material desires and not reaching the core of truth.

Sandra Dodd mentioned the concept in amongst a lot of other faith based beliefs over on FamilyRUN.ning and it really made me chuckle because she pointed out the fallacy of LoA - that so many people seem to believe that you can concentrate on getting anything and get it through LoA. The actual line she used was, "The other group wants desperately to believe in Ester Hicks and her imaginary friend, because if they believe those things they can be rich and happy." I love how silly she makes it sound because this really is how LoA is perceived by most people, thanks to the LoA gurus who make it seem so.

I believe in many aspects of the Law of Attraction, but I wasn't able to really, fully explain why I think it can be true, but not always true for everyone. It isn't a get rich quick scheme, get everything you say you want system, but that's what it often sounds like.

This morning I read an article by Martha Beck over on Oprah.com that explains it all so perfectly. In this article, she talks about "magic lists" and how they work and don't work. It all depends upon the place inside you that you are writing the list from. If you are listing out all the things you think you need to be happy, you may as well be spending that time digging for gold, because it would probably be time better spent. If, however, you are in that place of peace deep inside where you have already given up material desires and really visualizing an amazing future, you are well on your way to achieving your dreams.

Huh?

Here's something you don't hear every day. Last week Bekka asked for a DECREASE in her allowance!

About a year ago Steve, Bekka and I tried to figure out how much Bekka needs on a monthly basis to cover her clothes and activities. Since we really didn't know how much she needed, we just kind of guessed (an educated guess, but a guess none the less). Well, apparently we guessed too high, so Bekka came to us and asked if she could receive less allowance. We wanted to make sure she had enough - and she certainly felt like she did!

Unschoolers handle the money/allowance issue lots of different ways. Many unschoolers have an open budget - meaning that everyone in the family gets together and decides how their monetary resources will be used. Others just make sure their kids have the money they need when they need it. What felt right to Steve was to actually give Bekka her chunk of the budget on a monthly basis - and this was agreeable to me and Bekka as well. She's been managing her money very responsibly - obviously!

Live & Learn 2008

Live and Learn was so great this year! Steffi and I came away with new friends, new ideas, and a deep sense of Peace, Love, Free!

One of Steffi's (and my) favorite artists is Amy Steinberg and she kicked off the conference with an incredible concert. After the concert we got to hang out with Amy and some of our favorite unschoolers. Steffi sat side by side with Amy for about an hour, eating M&M and chatting with one of her favorite artists. She was so excited!

A month or so ago I had contacted Amy to ask permission for Steffi to sing her song, Always, at the talent show. By the time we got to L&L, Steffi was seriously doubting herself and was thinking she wouldn't sing after all. I mentioned that to Amy and they had a great conversation about doing things that are scary and how amazing it feels to do it anyway. After Amy's pep-talk and Scott Noelle's "Unschooling Your Voice" funshop, Steffi got up the courage to do it - but only if she got to do it really early in the show. Luckily, I had the inside track to the MC (Steve locked him out of our house in May, so I have a lot of pull with Broc! HA) and got her set up to be sixth. She got up there and belted it out - a capella! She was so confident, you would never know it was her first time on stage.

Aside from seeing my baby take her first major step toward realizing her dream of being a pop star, I had several other highlights. The first, learning to take my digital SLR off "auto" (and actually getting some great shots) thanks to super grandpa, TJ from Louisiana. Second, learning what I need to do to move from a stuck relationship to a rich, loving relationship with my DH - thanks to Beth Fuller and her Peaceful Partnerships presentation. Third, thanks to Cameron Lovejoy and Brenna McBroom, coming to the big unschooling ah-ha that our kids who are younger than about 12-13 seem so much younger than their mainstream peers, but our kids who are over about 13 seem so much more mature than their mainstream peers. I believe that, because we help them have a true, free childhood, they are able to truly know themselves and develop a sense of self that is hard to develop when you are rushed to grow up.

Of course, the main highlight of L&L is the people. This year was both better and worse in that the relationships were deeper, but there is this sense of not knowing when we'll see each other again. I feel an ache in my gut from missing these amazing, respectful, honest, authentic people. They are family to me. Better than family - they are the people I would choose as family if I could choose. They fill me with love and peace and joy so deep, it carries me for months. Unfortunately they live in FL, SC, TN, CA, MA... I want to thank Kelly for bringing all these incredible people together! My life would not be as rich or centered without my L&L experiences.

This was my third L&L and each one has made me a better parent, a better advocate, and a much better person. I will miss this annual filling of my tank more than I can say.

L&L Here We Come!!!

Steffi and I are SO excited to be going to Live and Learn one last time! We dyed our hair today - she has streaks of Vampire Red (again) and I mixed the V. Red with Violet to get a great plum color - which I used to streak my hair and paint my ankles and the second toe of my left foot. HA!

We leave in about a day - which is good, because I don't think either one of us could wait one more second!

Time for an update post

We have been SO busy, I've not had the chance to post like I would like to! It's kind of funny, when there's interesting stuff happening, I don't have the time to blog, and when it's a really slow period in our lives, I have time, but nothing really to say...

So here's a brief update on what's happened since my last blog post:

Coming of Age:
We had a wonderful Coming of Age celebration for Bekka at a rented beach house in Lincoln City. We had treasured friends and loving family surrounding her with the wisdom they wish to pass on to her to help her through her teen years and on into adulthood.

Steffi's 12th Birthday:
On the 31st Steffi turned 12. We took her and her dear friend, Aspen, to the AC Gilbert Discovery Village in Salem for the day, and spent a bit of time shopping at the nearby mall as well.

Bekka Made the Team!
On the way out to the coast for the Coming of Age, we stopped in Portland for Bekka to try out for the Irish Dance Team. We just found out on Thursday that she made the team! (This team has many of the same dancers that placed 6th in Ireland last year at Worlds.) She's very excited to be on the team. This will give her lots more dance experience than she is currently getting, allowing her a second solo class each week in Portland in addition to the team class. They will most likely be going to the All Ireland competition in February and worlds in Philadelphia in March.

Live & Learn!
Originally, Bekka, Steffi and I were going to go to the Live and Learn Conference in NC in September, but we weren't able to get our frequent flier miles converted to tickets. So Bekka switched from session 1 to session 2 of Not Back to School Camp (NBTSC). Well, after hearing about all the people we missed at LiG in Vancouver, Steffi and I both decided that we weren't going to miss another unschooling conference. Well, guess what? It's much easier to get two tickets than it is to get three! We were prepared to pay for the airfare, we missed conferencing so much, but we happily didn't have to. We'll see everyone in September for the big Last L&L Bash!

Girl Scouts:
Our Girl Scouts are working hard to earn their Bronze Award (the highest award a girl can earn at the Jr. level). They are collecting supplies to deliver 400 Hope Kits to Medical Teams International by the end of the summer. They've been calling service organizations in town to present their project (surprisingly with little response from the organizations) and they presented to all the local GS leaders at the service unit meeting.

At the last leader meeting, they held a Brownie Try-It Workshop to earn their Jr. Aide Award. They had so much fun doing this, they've decided to take it on the road and bring their workshop to Brownie troop meetings around our area.

They have also been invited to speak at the upcoming Fund Raising Breakfast. They are so excited.

Feisiana (pronounced fesh-na):
In just the last month the girls have competed at both the Seattle Feis and the Portland Feis. They are both doing really well! Bekka has moved two of her dances up to Novice and Steffi has moved one to Adv. Beginner (would have been two, but there weren't enough competitors in one of them). We aren't allowed to take pictures, so the Feisiana reports will always be sans photos.

Homeschool Central:
For the last five months or so a few local homeschooling parents have been working with the Boys & Girls Club to start a homeschool program during school hours. Well, about a week ago we had our first Open House and it was a huge success! We had somewhere between 125 and 150 homeschoolers attend. It was completely joyous! Our vision was to bring the diversity of homeschoolers together and we definitely succeeded - we had all different types of homeschoolers attend, and play together.

Unschooling United:
I started the Oregon State Unschooling United group here in Corvallis. We had our first meeting last Tuesday night and it was so GREAT! It was wonderful to talk with other local unschoolers in a focused manner. We talked about connecting with our kids through their interests (as our "topic") and of course, morphed into all kinds of other unschooling ideas. This is the first time, in all my years of unschooling where I've been to something specifically to talk about the details of unschooling. It was like going to one of the great unschooling emails lists - live! It has already enriched my life so much, and we've hardly begun! I loved that Bekka participated in the meeting and Steffi came in at the end and talked with the parents who were still there - about unschooling!

Working:
In addition to all that, I've been working again. I just completed a custom "thank you" album for our folk dance teacher, I'm working on a large custom heritage album project, and I'm working on two super secret surprise projects! I'm just loving the Storybook Creator Plus Software and can't recommend it highly enough - everyone NEEDS this software! I've done so many projects with it in the last month or so and they've all turned out so great. I've made 8.5 x 11 certificates for the girls' birthdays, 12x12 page prints for Bekka's Coming of Age gift (that I framed with a CM Page Frame), I easily formatted our passport photos (which have to be precisely formatted), I made 4x6 invitations for Bekka's celebration in addition to the album projects!

Getting into my Heart by using my Hands

Tonight I listened to a recorded GUTS call called Getting into Your Heart by Using Your Hands. We used the solar system as a metaphor for our lives. (My scanner isn't quite large enough to see the entire picture, but most of it is here.)

Here's what mine represents:

I am the sun with my light shining brightly out to others and touches everything around me. I am passionate and compassionate. I am yellow, red, and orange.

Bekka and Steffi are shooting stars, blazing their own shining paths out to their own universes supported by my light and warmth (in the upper right corner, mostly off the scan).

Steve is a nearby planet - reliable and always there basking in my light.

My friends are the blue-green earth, grounding me and benefiting from my light.

My past is represented by grey asteroids falling away from my universe.

Lyra is a large star and Tamwyn is saturn surrounded by my light and warmth.

My life's work swirls purple and my home swirls blue throughout my entire universe.

My future spirals red out from my center touching all.

My hobbies are small, pink, distant stars on the other side of my friends.

My spirituality is my dark purple center.

All the negative stuff is an ugly, drab asteroid falling away from me and everything I value.

Bekka is 16

My little girl is now 16. I'm not sure why that seems so big, but it does.

What really thrills me is who she is. She has such a good read on people and seems to be able to navigate all her social interactions in a way that my former 16 year old self really envies. She is so sure of herself and, while she doesn't quite know where she is headed, she does know that it will be her own journey navigated with her own decisions.


Enlightened Bekka

Kittens!

We picked up a new litter of kittens this afternoon at the humane society. There are five kittens, all male, all tabby, two long-haired, three short, all very cute!

This litter came in with their mom, but she stayed at the shelter. The shelter vet thought she had done enough and would be ready to be rid of the kittens. We wanted to take her home with them, but since they are eating on their own, she stays to try to get adopted. They are already a pound and a half, so we should only be fostering them for two or three weeks.

If you live in the area and want to come play with them, let us know!

A Beautiful Day in the Willamette Valley

Today my GS co-leader and I loaded up the gas guzzler and took the girls to the Jackson Frazer Wetlands and walked around the board walk. It was just such a beautiful day and we all thoroughly enjoyed being out and exploring the critters.

The Gang of Gregarious Girls at the Jackson Frazer Wetlands

Gorgeous!

All the girls caught caterpillers

And Cierra stuck one on her nose

Bekka caught a baby snake

CUTE!

Bekka has a Job!

Bekka stayed after at Irish dance tonight to show the instructor her novice reel and ended up with a JOB! She'll be helping teach the New Beginner class. She'll get a lovely green "Staff" shirt to wear and will be paid a real pay-check.

So, for all those people out there who question us unschoolers for "letting our kids just do what they want all the time" and don't think they'll ever be able to get a job because of it, I say "Ha! Encourage them to do what they love to do all the time, and they'll figure out a way to turn it into a living" (or it may just end up falling in their lap!).

It's possible that I'm more excited than she is - but she's pretty excited.

A Dose of Compassion in the Morning

This is my desktop picture. I took my favorite Vista Desktop Image and wrote out a morning affirmation to read each morning before I start my day. The morning affirmation is adapted from A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life, With 7 Practices. My desktop is practice #1: Morning Ritual.

It reads:

Today I woke up!
I am ALIVE!
I have a precious human life and I am not going to waste it.
I am going to use all of my energies to develop myself.
I will open my heart to others.
I will be light and love for the benefit of all beings.
I am going to have kind thoughts toward all others.
I am not going to get angry or think badly about others.
I am going to benefit others as much as I can.

I am COMPASSIONATE!

I like to think it is helping me to be my best. I still get impatient, judgemental, and frustrated with people, but I am getting better at identifying these things and changing my thoughts surrounding people.

I am a work in process, getting better every day.

Sometimes Doing the Right Thing Sucks

Steve and I finished our taxes tonight, which is really late for us. Steve is always working on it the first week of January - he's not a procrastinator like I am. But this year we were waiting for a form that never arrived.

I did some work in trade this year and to accurately report the income, I need a W-2. Since I didn't get one, we had about six pages of extra forms to fill out (how's that for "Paperwork Reduction"?). You'd think it would be easier to pay the taxes you owe than that. And, since I didn't get a W-2, I'm assuming that the employment taxes haven't been paid, so part of the forms were to report and pay it (a whole $31).

Now, most people would just blow it off, but Steve and I both have our CPA licenses. And, while I don't ever plan to use mine ever again, Steve probably will, which means that we are really careful with our tax return, making sure that everything is accurate and complete (not that we wouldn't anyway, but it just feels more important somehow knowing that future income could ride on it). It's a pain, but ya' know, we both have four years of college, two years of slave labor, and potential future earnings on the line (not to mention the worst professional exam of all the professional exams).

Sometimes ya' gotta do the right thing, and sometimes it sucks.

If you don't make them clean their room...

It may just look like this almost all the time!

This is Steffi's room. In July we had a great time planning out how she wanted it painted. We finally finished putting it together (putting up the bed netting and hanging light) last week. She is very proud of her room, and should be!

(Oh, and just so you know, she does all this herself - she gets up in the morning and makes her bed beautiful.)

Beliefnet

The Belief-o-Matic at Beliefnet.com is just so fascinating to me. I've always had an inexplicable interest in religion, considering I'm just not religious.

Years ago (before I had kids) I took a four-hour interest assessment exam the tries to match your interest with possible occupations. All of my top matches were religious, minister, rabbi, etc. The next top matches were all in the social services field (psychologist, psychiatrist, etc. I'm really not sure why all of this is such a good match for me, or why I've always been so interested in religious beliefs.

Well, anyway... I just took the Belief-o-Matic quiz again just now and was surprised and please by the results. I learned of this quiz about four years ago and every time I've taken it since (which I do every once in a while) it has resulted in 100% Unitarian Universalist, until today. Today the result was a 100% match with Secular Humanist.

About three months ago I was thinking of my beliefs and realized that the thing that feels true to me is secular humanism. Before that time, I considered myself a UU, felt very much like a UU and, after moving to Corvallis, struggled with the fact the the UU church here didn't feel like a very good fit.

Over the years I've recommended the Belief-o-Matic to many people and have found that those who are actively searching for a faith community often don't like the results, but when I look at their results think, "well that makes total sense". They often have an inaccurate preconceived idea of what the resulting religious match is, and can't see themselves in that religion. Often, if they just opened their mind a bit, they could see the accuracy of the recommendation. The people who are really secure in their faith community usually find that the results match what they already know.

So, go take the quiz and see what happens - I've just found it to be so accurate!

Ideas Worth Spreading: A Stroke of Insight

I received this link twice yesterday, and decided that it was definitely an idea worth spreading. Here, a Neuroanatomist shares what she learned while experiencing a stroke.

Bad day for driving

So, we've had the Prius for four years now, and hardly a scratch has it seen. This is, without a doubt, my favorite car I've ever had. Her name is Mary Poppins (because she is practically perfect in every way). She's even better than Jack ('o Lantern), my '74 orange (Phoenix red, to be exact) VW Bug (but don't tell Jack that!).

Thursday afternoon Bekka and I are in the car, stopped on Harrison waiting to turn into our driveway when all of a sudden we hear tires screeching and then, BANG! A car comes crashing into the back of our (formerly perfect) car.

In all my years of driving (jeez, 28 years already), I've only been in two accidents. One was when a 16 year old driver pulled out in front of me from a stop sign when I was about 30 feet from the intersection in a 35 mph zone and this one, a 17ish year old driver crashing into me while I'm waiting to turn into my driveway (breaklights engaged, turn signal on). Ugh! Not that I'm against young, new drivers, I just wish they wouldn't run into me and mess up my cars.

But Bekka and I are fine, and I figure it was a great driving lesson for Bekka (who hasn't gotten her permit yet, even though she could have months ago - waiting patiently for her to decide she's ready).

Oh, and guess how much this will be to fix! ~$2000! Thank goodness she has good insurance.







I can't even imagine how much her's would be - I'm guessing it's totaled. I'm glad I don't have to pay her insurance after this - her poor, and getting poorer, parents!

Chicken Pox!

About a month ago we found out that a friend in town had the chicken pox. Steffi hadn't had them yet and she's getting close to either needing to have them or get the vaccine. We talked with Steffi about her choices, and she decided that she would rather get the chicken pox than get a shot.

So off we go to the strangest play date we've ever had! Bekka came with us and helped Steffi get the chicken pox. The best thing the girls did was play hand-clap games, with Steffi ending each round by touching the pox on Sophia's forehead and then rubbing her eyes! (As I said, it was a very strange play date.)

We went through all the things you're not supposed to do (when you're trying to stay well).

Then we waited. And waited. And gave up the idea that she was going to get them. The doctors all say that the incubation period is from 10 to 16 days. We kept Steffi home during that time, since you are most contagious two days before the spots appear. When the official time was up, Steffi went to the Celtic jam Friday night, the folk dance performance Saturday night, church with her friend on Sunday (and lunch with the extended family after) and mini golfing and Gelato eating with our fellow GS troop members on Monday.

Steffi seemed a little lethargic on Sunday and Monday, but she only had one spot on her back, and it looked nothing like the pictures of chicken pox I'd looked up. When we got home Monday afternoon from Gelato, she had lots of spots and was feeling pretty crummy.

On Tuesday and Wednesday she didn't really feel like doing anything but lay around on the couch and watch TV. The spots traveled everywhere, but she never really itched and didn't want any creams, tonics, or baths.

On Thursday she decided that other than being boring, having chicken pox really isn't so bad, and she was glad she decided to get them instead of the shot!

Bekka has a dance floor!

A couple of weeks ago we (Steve, Bekka, and I) installed a dance floor in Bekka's spare room above the garage.

You see, she's really gotten into Irish Step Dancing, which is really great, but also really hard on her joints. The best surface for practicing Irish Step Dancing is on a sprung hard wood floor. Now, that would be pretty expensive (as would the pre-made dance floors you can buy). The room above the garage had carpet down, so we pulled the carpet up, left the carpet padding and installed laminate over the pad to create the spring she needs.

First we remove the carpet (who knew that the carpet pad matched the walls!)


Then we lay the floor


Lyra brings Bear Friend to help


Bekka lays the last piece


And gets ready to dance

Unschooler's Grief CELEBRATION Week

What a week it's been. This has been a powerful week with great reminders from brave and wise women.

First from Diana Jenner, who always reminds us all that we need to help our kids enjoy their life RIGHT NOW, 'cause we don't know what their future may be, or if they will have a future. February 24, 2006 her nine year old daughter, Hannah, crossed over to join her dad, Mitch. Nine years old! She lived a life of value and joy, friends and fun. Her short life continues to gain in value with every family who hears the lessons she has for us, every parent who is frustrated with their kid and who stops and thinks of Hannah and turns that frustration into gratitude for the pure joy of getting to be with their child in that moment.

While I never got to meet Hannah, I've had the great pleasure of getting to know her brave and wise mom. I can't help but get joy from her sobering message. She celebrates life more than anyone I know, and she has lost so much more than most. I want to always carry Diana's spirit of LIFE with me, no matter what.

On Monday the unschooling community lost a truly bright spirit in Lisa Heyman. I just met her in September - I shared a couple of meals with her at the Live and Learn Conference - but she really touched me, as she does most people she meets. After L&L she and her daughter Roxy started coordinating teen unschooling gatherings in NY. Every time I saw the invitation on the L&L list I wished we were close enough for my daughter to go. Finally this spring we decided that we would just host our own here in Oregon, so I emailed Lisa and Roxy to find out how it was working for them. A few days later I received a thoughtful, detailed reply from both of them with the closing from Lisa of an invitation to come visit. I didn't really pay much attention to the invitation at the end of the email until I was reading through some of the posts on the Tribute to Lisa blog. One of the other unschooling moms mentioned that she always closes with a sincere invitation, so I went back to my email from Lisa and sure enough, "PS if you ever want to make a trip east – we’re an hour north of Manhattan and it’s always fun to host fellow unschoolers."

I encourage you to go to the tribute blog and read about this wonderful woman. She is a bright spirit whose physical light went out too soon for most folks, but whose spirit will shine on and illuminate the lives of many families. She is an inspiration.

There May be a Light at the End of this Tunnel

Someone on my Consensual-Living yahoo group just shared a link to A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life, With 7 Practices. I just find it so interesting how the universe works when you are open to the possibilities! This is exactly what I needed to read this morning.

There’s been some very strange stuff going on in my world that I’ve been alluding to here in my blog, and up until the last couple of days, I’ve been successful in staying in a space of compassion for the person who has been trying to shut me and my daughter out of the unschooling community. This has helped me to stay light and calm throughout this experience. But recently, I’ve slipped into a mindset of being frustrated and angry (probably because of how these events are affecting my daughter – it’s really hard to be compassionate to everyone and to help guide my daughter through this maze of injustice and help her let go of the hurt – be there with her as she learns her life lessons and help her come out the other side proud of her actions and who she is).

I do not want to live my life frustrated and angry. I want to live my life in the light of love, compassion, and connection because it just really feels so much better here!

The part of the seven practices that really speaks to me today is #6: “Those who mistreat us practice. The final stage in these compassion practices is to not only want to ease the suffering of those we love and meet, but even those who mistreat us. When we encounter someone who mistreats us, instead of acting in anger, withdraw. Later, when you are calm and more detached, reflect on that person who mistreated you. Try to imagine the background of that person. Try to imagine what that person was taught as a child. Try to imagine the day or week that person was going through, and what kind of bad things had happened to that person. Try to imagine the mood and state of mind that person was in — the suffering that person must have been going through to mistreat you that way. And understand that their action was not about you, but about what they were going through. Now think some more about the suffering of that poor person, and see if you can imagine trying to stop the suffering of that person. And then reflect that if you mistreated someone, and they acted with kindness and compassion toward you, whether that would make you less likely to mistreat that person the next time, and more likely to be kind to that person. Once you have mastered this practice of reflection, try acting with compassion and understanding the next time a person mistreats you. Do it in little doses, until you are good at it. Practice makes perfect.”

As I read through this I realize that this is what I’ve been doing all along and this must be why I’ve been able to feel the way I do about the situation. I don’t think I’ll ever truly understand what has happened in this person’s life to cause her to do what she has done, but through this exercise I don’t need to. I only need to imagine what might have been for her and to continue to have empathy for her, which will lead to maintaining my compassion for her. And, I think this is my last step, to accept that she will probably never have empathy for my daughter and will never be able to see what my daughter risked for her friend.

I’ve learned so many things about mothers/daughters, forgiveness, empathy, compassion, respect, etc. through this whole process. I don’t feel like I’m quite done examining all of this yet, but blogging about it is such an amazing way of examining how I’m really feeling and who I want to be and how I want to live my life.

To me, living an authentic life means living the way I want to live, not putting a front out for everyone to see and then doing things that don’t match up to the ideals I say I hold. It takes a lot of practice, but I must say, this experience has really helped me to clarify who I am, what I stand for, and how I live my life. I’m still not perfect, and I don’t really think people are meant to be, but I am proud of who I am and the choices I’m making.

What to do, what to DO?

A note to readers: Anyone for a little whine with their coffee? If so read on. The following was an exercise in dumping. However, I would love suggestions on helping Bekka find what she wants to do at the bottom if you are so inclined.

Yesterday I belayed for Steve so he could climb to the top of one of the walls at the climbing center to get a Geocaching clue. Today I’m paying for it with a splitting headache and a sore neck from looking straight up for that long (my neck has always been wimpy).

Since, of course, it’s not enough to just feel yucky, we are stuck at home because we didn’t really think through the great idea of getting Steffi exposed to chicken pox two weeks ago. I was thinking that she would get it in two weeks and then we’d be home for a week. Well, the reality is that she could get it anywhere between 10 and 16 days after exposure and is contagious two days before the spots appear, so being considerate people, we are staying home so we don’t infect someone who doesn’t want to be infected.

To top it all off, Bekka just can’t think of anything to do! Ever! (At least that’s what it feels like.) I give her ideas, she rejects them all. I feel at such a loss. And now she’s stomping around because I can’t help her (remember the horrible headache mentioned earlier). I read about all the perfect unschooling families whose children are always happily engaged in all kinds of interesting activities, and while I know that isn’t really the reality, it does often feel like I’m failing Bekka somehow. Surely if I were a better unschooling mom she would be happily engaged in interesting activities, right? Or at least she wouldn’t be storming around the house.

When we do come up with something interesting to do and she gets excited about something, she loses interest before we even have a chance to follow through. For example, I thought it would be fun to invite all the unschooling teens within a one hundred-ish mile radius to come hang out for an evening like Roxy’s been doing in NY. I emailed Roxy’s mom, Lisa (sending well wishes their way as I type this) and she sent me back the details of how they’ve organized their teen gatherings. I checked with our local unschooling teens for availability (knowing that it may only be Bekka and the two of them), picked a date on the calendar, and before I could even write up an email, Bekka no longer wants to do it. Ugh!

As I write this out, I’m realizing that I may just need to take this question to the Radical Unschooling yahoo group – maybe I can get some good guidance there. But, if you have read this far and you have any great suggestions, PLEASE leave me a comment. I could use all the help I can get!

So, sock it to me – what do you or your kids like to do instead of being bored?

My Happy Day

My birthday was full of authentic joy and love. I got to spend the day connecting with two of my favorite people.

Since we were up in Portland, we had to hit Ikea, then we enjoyed a wonderful Vietnamese lunch where we laughed, cried (that would have been just me!) and shared parts of our lives with each other. After taking care of myself by making a difficult phone call while I had the support of my close friends, we spent a few hours painting pottery.

Alicia, Dominique and me surrounded by creativity

It was already 5:30 when we finished painting and our plan was to treat ourselves to fabulous dessert - so off we headed to Papa Haydn's. Mmmm! What a treat - and yes, they taste as good as they look!



Looking back over the day, I realize that the day was full of a lot of self care, which is something I've been needing. One of the activities we do in our GUTS work is to make a list of 100 ways to love myself. While my list is only 28 items long right now, I did a great job of loving myself on Saturday by listening to my heart, accepting myself, letting others love me, loving others, helping someone, listening to music (Amy Steinberg speaks to my soul), dressing up, taking a shower, brushing my teeth (sometimes it's the simple things!), giving someone a hug (lots of hugs), meeting friends for a meal, inviting a friend for lunch, following through on something hard (the difficult phone call I mentioned earlier), sending an uplifting email, being an advocate, remembering who I am, sharing my talents with others, and painting - that's 18 of my 28 - pretty darn good for one day!

One of my highlights came in a simple manila envelope. My friend Alicia made me the most incredible gift.

It reads:
You alight with such softness
The flower’s head does not bow.

You partake of the nectar
And leave life giving pollen in return

You must be treated gently lest your wings become ragged with life

Your wings fold to conceal the
brightness of your colors

When warmed by the sun they unfurl to reveal your brilliant colors

You soar with the slightest breeze
And you flash in the sunlight

You walk with such softness
on the Earth you leave no footprint

You partake of the Earth’s delicacies, friend’s time, and family’s love,
And leave life giving compost, energy,
wisdom and love in return

You treat yourself gently with soft beds and organic fibers, lest your body become ragged with life

You are a rare gem,
concealed by a quiet spirit...

In the presence of friends you reveal
your beautiful and brilliant colors

You soar with grand ideas and
shine in the light of many successes.

And I am proud to call you friend!

It is an 8.5x11 page and it is beautiful in more ways than one and I cry every time I read it.

My life is full and good and beautiful.

Tomorrow's My Birthday!

And I'm gonna be 44! I'm looking forward to spending the day with a couple of wonderful friends in Portland. There are a couple of others who will be sorely missed, but I get to see them both in Minnesota this summer.

I better get to bed, I have a full day of HAPPY ahead of me!

Another Meme

I picked this up over at one of my favorite blogs.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? Some old napkins and about eight bingo cards (highway, interstate, regular – ya’ gotta be prepared!).

2.When was the last time you threw up? Thankfully I don’t remember. I hope this doesn’t jinks me!

3.What’s your favorite curse word? I’m kind of a language prude – I don’t really care if others swear, but it’s not something I care to do.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today? Bekka, Steffi, and Gracie (the little girl at Folk Dance who kept sliding around on the wood floor on her poodle skirt – too cute!)

5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Uh, SLEEPING!!!

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? Reading blogs.

7. Where were you born? Biloxi, Mississippi – lived there for a whole two months.

8. Have you ever been to a strip club? Nah.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud? "Are you almost done?"

10. What is the best ice cream flavor? Mmm, chocolate mint (NOT mint with chocolate, but chocolate ice cream flavored with mint – I’m VERY particular about this!)

11. What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

12. What are you wearing right now? My jeans that I got free from Goodwill with my birthday credit, a purple turtleneck shirt and last year’s annual Sibling Revelry sale sweater (I’ve gotten a fab sweater at their great after Christmas sale the last two years, so it’s my new tradition), my cool new striped SmartWool socks and my purple Heflinger clogs. (And a down throw, ‘cause we refuse to heat our house any higher than 65 in the winter!)

13. What was the last thing you ate? Dreyer’s Thin Mint GS Cookie Ice Cream.

14. Have you bought any new clothes this week? Not for me.

15. Where were you last? The Kitchen (to get my ice cream)

16. What's the last sporting event you watched? Uh, hmm. The closest I’ve come is Bekka’s Irish Dance competition.

17. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message while blogging? Peace Goddess

18. Where do you live? Corvallis, OR

19. What song are you listening to? Nothing right now.

20. Do you tan? I am a shade goddess.

21.Do you drink your soda from a straw? Not into carbonated beverages, unless it is a smooth, dark beer.

22. What did your last text message say? No text messaging for me.

23. Who’s your best friend? I'd have to say Carole, but there are many wonderful, authentic women I absolutely love and would hate to not have in my life.

24. What are you doing tomorrow? Taking my daughter to her piano lesson and working a little more on cleaning the pit our house has become.

25. Where is your mom right now? Her body has returned to the Earth and I hope her energy/spirit has found good work elsewhere. (Okay, I stole this answer from Peace Goddess, but it fits, so I’m gonna use it.)

26. Look to your right, what do you see? My beautiful and wise daughter, Bekka.

27. What do you think of when you think of where you live? Mindfulness, respect, peace, beauty, connection.

28. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Yeah, but don’t really like it much any more.

29. What is your birthstone? Amethist.

30. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Yuck.

31.What is your favorite number? 24

32. Do you have a dog? Nope, we’re cat people.

33. Last person you talked to on the phone? Lisa (and Ruby in the background)

34. Have you met anyone famous? Depends on what you consider fame.

35. Any plans today? Well, since it’s 10:15, just playing on the blogosphere and watching Friends with Bekka.

36. How many states have you lived in? Oh Jeez, let’s see, Mississippi, Washington, California, (West Germany), Washington, California, Washington, Texas, California, Texas, California, Washington, Oregon – I know, a lot of repeating, but man! Lots of moves! Only five states and one foreign country, but I’ve lived at more than 30 addresses.

37. Ever go to college? Yes.

38. Where are you right now? Home, in the living room.

39. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? Feeling used.

40. Are you struggling to forgive someone right now? No...I think forgiveness is earned. I struggle with letting folks be who they are when I am not afforded the same. (Oh My God! I did not write this answer, but it is SO great – I hope Peace Goddess doesn’t mind my using it!)

41. Are you allergic to anything? Not officially, but I think I’ve developed a grass allergy, what with living in the grass seed capital of the world.

42. Favorite pair of shoes? My Keens – so comfortable and they keep all this Oregon rain from my cold toes. (But I agree with Peace Goddess on the no bra thing, justs in case anyone was wondering)

And now if any of you wanna consider yourself tagged, TAG. If not...hope you enjoyed reading.

Let's Change the World

Please!

If you haven't seen this yet, please take a few minutes to do so.

Home Alone

What a treat! I got to be home alone all morning. Now, this has probably only happened about five times in the last fifteen years, so it really is quite a treat.

I slept in really late, got up and exercised while listening to NPR's Weekend Edition, checked email, read a few blogs (even found the one Bekka started), had a bite to eat and then had to run out to my FLOW (learning co-op) meeting.

All the while, Lyra, our perfect kitten was all over me! Bekka spent the night at a friend's house and so Lyra was all alone all night. She HATES to be alone! She just couldn't get enough of me. What a sweetie and what a nice morning.